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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- August 2019
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Its about letting go!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:40 pm

When you see the people of the past as scum and or what they are; you let them go! And it's not easy!

Im going from the view of a small child; that wanted to see his original family as a God family when in reality they were a satanic family system! I had no idea of the danger I was in! I didn't know! By the time I understood what was going on; I had already been damaged and treated like a have human object; like the Jews in a German prison death camp; just an object!

What Im learning; Im slowly learning to forgive and understand where each person came from! Each person is a sicko! You never go around them again, but when you can de humanize them and see them for what they were; you realize, their was no one their but a stranger in the first place!

My problem was; I was making these vermin into humans! They were never human! In fact; I was trying to call them friend! They were never friends of mine! Never! They wouldn't have the slightest Idea what a friend is or anything else that is decent!

I was hated and mistreated horribly for being a decent person! They hated me for it! Real hate! A hate toward God! Thats what it amounted!

I was in the presence of hell and did not know it!

=============================

Its strange; I go by my old house; the one I lived in as a boy; it's completely satanic! I cant even look at it! Its pure evil! I never knew! As a small child, I was protected! God protected the children! Or at least! Me!
She shock and trauma are seeing it for what it really is! Seeing the people I associated with when young, as they really are!

Im getting the message; the message is trust God and take everything to God!


The problem; seeing the people of the past with a light! Or in the light! They were not in the light! And their was no safety! It was all demonic! I must see it all for what it was! And not remember any of it or anything from it! None of it was any good! The shock comes from the truth! Its 100% in the opposite direction of what I experiences and remembered!

When the children were in the Prison camps; death camps of war! Some who were very small would not know how bad it was! They could not see with evil eyes! Yet, when they were older, they would be in shock knowing where they were and what was really going on and with whom!

I lived in my own world as a child! I thought it all safe and I thought others thought like I did!

I thought my friends down the street thought like I did; They did not! But I did not know this! I had no idea!

I am a decent person who must turn to God and not the past for my love! I turn to the past because I believe a light shines from my childhood! It does not! And the small child within me is slowly being weened of this false light of the past and brought into the present!

It was truly a nightmare as a child and I did not know it! I truly saw everything through innocent eyes!

Why would this happen; seeing things through innocent eyes! One reason; I was being exploited by my father; not used; exploited! This means, he purposely acted in one way while planning something else! He acted the roles of father at times! It was all fake; he was a sociopath! I had no idea he was just a stranger using everyone and the house hold and the people in it!

So, I had this sycophant associating with me who was not safe for children to be around! And that makes me sick to my stomach! All his actions were intended to mislead! But, small children don't know the difference! And thats what makes me sick! He was manipulating small children like a predator! I had no idea!

The point; I had a false view of things! But would have never known! And I didn't know on purpose because I was being exploited!

As long as I still miss people from the past or turn back to the past for my love; I have a mistaken belief! And that belief must be rendered useless!

An example; Your teeth can go bad and you don't know it! 6 month after they go bad, you go to the dentist because of tooth pain! The dentist checks! Tells you the teeth had gone rotten a year ago and you didn't know it!

IVe known people with major operations; I ask them how they feel; they said fine! They could not feel the problem in their body! The doctor found the problem! My friend told me she did not feel any Pain! She thought she was OK; she was not!

Ive got a friend with neuropathy in his feet; He could step on a nail and never know it! My Me? He could not feel the danger!

When I was a child; I did not feel or see the danger! It was in front of me but I never saw it!

I was hanging around people with money and assumed this was a safety guard against bad things! I was wrong! It was a simple child's view of things!

I made friends! I assumed they felt the same way! They did not and couldn't care less! In the end, I was shocked at how I was being treated; as a second class citizen! They were all pure evil; and I did not know it!

Evil does not look like evil on the outside; it feels like evil in the soul! If you are a God person, you can feel the evil from the enemy when they are near!

=========================================================

Im learning allot from my 12 step meetings! Many people in these places are sick! Yet, if this is all you got! Then all you have are sicko's to be friends with! And this is a good point of my past! All the people I was associating with were demonic in nature in one form or another! They had no human values! Certainly no value for me; nothing! And I was treated like a second class zoo animal! It was truly bizarre and horrible! And I wanted to fight and get mad and be heart broken; then I saw it! Later, I saw it! It was not about me! No one had broken my heart! They had never been at my spiritual level in the first place! And in my shock; they had no spirit; nothing! I was completely confused! I was completely bewildered and fooled! It was so bad, I had no idea I was in danger!

Later; in high school, when I went back to live at my best friends house! I found out quickly; this was not my friend! Nor was anyone in their family a friend of mine! I was completely mistaken! These people did not know me or like me or care what happened to me! They acted the part of having it going on! They were Christians! But they were to good for me! I was considered scum or scumbag! I was probably always looked at this way from the beginning! They accused me of being a thief and and over all general bad person! Of no value and no intelligence! I was a scape goat!

What I found interesting was; no one asked me a question of why I was in their house! That caught me of guard! That did not make any sense! I was not asked any questions because I was of no value!
And it was horrible!

of no value;

At first it was horrible and for years afterward! I had been treated horribly by these people! Why would they treat me this way! I was in complete shock! They looked down on me; spitting in my face! At first, I was simply another abuse victim that no one wanted; Then the light from God shown on my eyes!

" Omnicell, it's not about you"! God told me this! Then it hit me! What is really going on here! These people tried to make me out to be a bad person; but later they made the mistake of trying to make me into stupid person! Im an intelligent man! You can only go so far with me! When they attempted to make me out to be someone of a sub level IQ; that was the end of my respect for these scum! And thats when in hit! This was not about me!

This was not about me;

I realized real quick that something was definitely wrong! These were not the people I grew up with! Meaning, These people were not acting like real people; they were acting demonic but worshiping their plastic Jesus dolls! Nothing made any sense! I had always look at them; their house as a safe haven; a place of decency and innocence! I was wrong! And at first I thought they were simply better then me! I was worthless and could not understand what to do about it! Then I found out something different!

They were not better then me! Something was wrong; they were worse then me! Allot worse! They were so bad that I should have never associated with them in the first place! It was all fake ! God told me to run; I was not around good people! God told me; " why do you think Im not their?"

For the first time; I started to wake up! These were a bunch of sycophants masquerading as important human beings! They were evil! As evil as the Graveyard they sprung from!


In the present;

SO, now Im visualizing about the future!

One area of impotence is women;

Women are very good for a decent man; Why? Because a women makes a man get his life together!

I might say to myself; When it comes to women; all I want is sex! Right?, thats what allot of guys think or say! Heres the deal; for some of us; it means, Im not worthy to have a relationship with a women; Im only good enough for sleeping with her! And, thats not enough! That wont work! Ive got to visualize liking myself enough to see myself walk with her, carry her stuff, sit at the park! Go to the pet store and look at the animals; stuff like that! Play foes ball or miniature golf! And coffee and milk shakes n stuff!

The point; When I see a women; what do I need to see in my head! I need to see us talking around the pond at the park talking! We get into her car, and go walk around and or go to coffee!

Sex, is not part of it! If you take sex out! My mind goes blank! I need to come back to the living! And visualize myself with another human being doing things! You might think this should be easy; And not! It's killing me now, as I visualize it! I must keep visualizing and working through these negative blocks!



======================================================================================

If I could get up in the morning and love what I do and make millions of dollars a year doing it; what would it be! This is the next visualization question of importance!

======================================================================================

Social;

I visualize saying good-bye to people, and walking up and shaking hands! and I want you to know, this really hurts when I visualize it! its very uncomfortable! Ive had mass walls up ; keep people away! now it changing!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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