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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1025)
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- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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It hurts, Im pushing forward!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Sep 11, 2013 4:32 am

It hurts when the past and the present clash! I am clashing!

My immediate goals are washing my bike clothing every night with special sports detergent!

Im working slowly on cleaning my apartment! Ive been safe with it cluttered; Im scared to death if its not!
The goal is to change the behavior! Get to the point that I am active and present in the present that I naturally clean things spontaneously and keep the higher standard of spartan like frugality associated with home organization; movement and activity are the words for the day; a natural movement, a change of attitude!
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Safety is non touch! not being touched by anyone. This is dissociative disorder! Im starting to hug people, get closer to people, touch people! Its horrible! it feels so sickening and dirty and strange! I feel violated and weird!
Im doing what I have to that I get better! Im willing to take the chances!

Sadness, great sadness is associated with touching. My father is gone, he could touch me as a father when I was a boy! meaning, as a father to a son. When he left, I was never touched again by anyone.. I learned to live alone!

Things are changing! Things are changing because Im working my way into a new way of thinking! Im willing to try this experiment called living with the alive! Ive been gone for a very long time! Its sad and hard to admit that I have had no real life!

The more I interact with people, the more they notice and I receive feedback! scary stuff for a dissociative; all this closeness in feedback and interaction... I have not had interaction since childhood! its all very interesting, Im going with the flow of life! Im trusting God! ITs working, its horribly painful! my nervous system aches as I wake up! Im reliving much PTSD stuff! some OK, some sicking and horrible and dirty! squeamish!

I have been assertive hugging people, and Ive called a few people, so I am changing.
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Finally went back to the Gym today! Im 15 pounds over weight! 10 will come off quick, However, I hate not eating! Im athletic and food is for need not for want! to get down to 170 and keep it, I cannot eat all the time; all you can eat places. I have to get down to a rice bowl a day of food, and no sugar.. I know the routine, Ive done it several times... stop eating and exercise walk! my metabolism is fine for loosing weight, Im on a mountain bike all day long! The last 5 pounds are the hardest, and I get so impatient. I need to loose weight, Im about to buy new bike cloths for the winter and they are not cheap! Im getting down to a 32 waist! that is normal for me at 170 pounds. This will take me a few months...

I need to get numbers and call more people!

all of this interaction could cause me a breakdown...

I have to remember what happened last year!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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