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Consumer 6
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- September 2019
One off the more nasty brutal parts of healing
   Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:52 pm
   Thu Sep 12, 2019 6:22 am
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   Tue Sep 03, 2019 4:33 am

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Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Dec 23, 2012 1:51 am

I am an introvert with a ruptured mind that has been healing for sometime. The outside world is a very hard place on my mind. I have had full Dissociative disorder, my mind was similar to a schizophrenic experience . I am much better now.. However, my mind, or the base mind is just as weak as before; It has been cleaned out a bit!

I take chances outside with things that do not represent the sensitive natured person I am on the inside. These experiences create the opportunity for this Dissociative brain to gain great feedback. What a dissociative personality needs as much as hope is feedback in the real world; it helps bring one into reality away from the brain...

I have to pull back and observe much of the time when I am over stimulated. I have taken great chances. Many people think Im a shallow dumb idiot weakling immature. So, its working, Im incognito.
Im a book worm attempting to act like a surfer... Im actually quit shy and withdrawn.. However, Ive studied much on what it takes to create attraction in others and I have taken some chances. However, I pull back most of the time. I recede back into my corner that I be safe. All of this has worked over the years to create a healing phase for dissociative symptoms,.

Lately I have taken chances that are over my ability to follow through. I have no regrets. I was just practicing. I, Many people do not understand mental concerns.
My mind is to weak to have relationships; therefore, I must have relationships with special people that understand my situation. I pull back into my cave all the time. I pull back on the normys that get to close.

Im finding that it requires energy-extraversion to accomplish and follow through on some of my tasks.
I am able to penetrate the perimeters and set up camp, However, I am not there to create a battle. Im just gathering information that I get well..

I can start the beginnings of a relationship, the inquiry, However, I cannot go much past this point of spark-light. Alas, those involved see me as weird and withdrawn at best, or schizoid in my 2 faces, one extravert and the pulling away introvert that disappears emotionally and never returns to public eye. I recede that I heal up, to much interaction shocks my system and over throws it, I can be down for months because of this.. No one knows this about me... The people at the meetings are more realistic based. Psych stuff is not there penmanship.

I was severally damaged, dangerously so in my younger life. So, it is no game. None of this life experience at this point is a game. All is at a deep deep level. The workings are at a deep deep deadly serious level, although, I may have a smile on my face and Im talking about the weather, Im thinking about much deeper things.

I believe the next natural direction is personal up-close interactions with people. This is horrible at best. Ive had more and more, and I freak. I have the PTSD line. This is a a perimeter of 2 feet in front and around me, that if penetrated, I go off. A strange Dissociative experience occurs. I cannot explain what it is like. Its a specific experience of personal defense in the brain. Its the safety zones. IT is very hard to stay present or look someone in the eyes, its very difficult. It is the next place God is taking me for practice, that I, over time wake up.

For now I let go of the last 6 months, count my losses and the feedback I experienced and move on with the present...

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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