Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1020)
Archives
- October 2019
Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
   Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:17 pm
A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
   Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:44 pm
She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Introduction to pre alignment; the space ship landing

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:35 pm

I can feel it; the work I've done or the work God is doing; its seeping through me! Im starting to rearrange on the inside! The problem is; Im becoming myself on the inside but the outside world does not resemble the inside world i remember when a boy! I feel like Im landing on a strange purple planet of question marks; the goal is to be OK-e with it!
.
"Im all alone from yesterday"; Ive felt alone in this strange new world; however, this is changing; In reality; not anymore; Im not alone anymore! Im not! I have strong points created everywhere! so, as for the closed world of recovery; the recovery process is working! The problem is; I never wanted or chose any of these strong points; people and places and things, the town, its just a stopping place, its not home.
.
The new people and places and things of recovery; I never suggested I like them; they are non personal! meaning; I did not chose them; they are not precious to me at a personal level, anymore then a hospital stay is precious in a personal friendship way! The hospital stay is precious for my life to continue, it does not mean its personal; neither are the strong holds of recovery; they are pillars of strength established! However, they are strangers; many of them or routine closeness robotics!
.
A train station can be a social strong hold for some, in a personal way; but the train station people and events are not personal; Its a strong hold, its still a stranger! If you need a hug, one can get one from a stranger; the hug is personal, the person giving it is not of a personal roll!
.
The point; God has and is created a strong recovery process for me; it does not mean Im not shaken and upset and weirded out and traumatized to the point of disability as I work through this recovery!
Im still sick or disabled!
.
I have to put on a smile and humble myself, allowing the locals to believe their in charge and Im one of them and they are important to me! In fact, they show up; thats what makes them important to me; who they are; doesn't really matter to me! cult of personalty is part of their thinking, not mine; Im not in love with worshiping them as my grand leaders; but they think they might be giants! I know better; Ill go a-long with it as long as I get fed when Im starving; but It aint personal!
.
Re-arrangment!
When I was a boy, I had certain quarks about me or identity spiritual marks; things that significantly indicated it was me entering through the door; I was a specific Identity! When I was destroyed, my mind left me and all things associated with that first personality; or that child personality where gone; actually buried in time! buried alive!
.
Now, source energy God is rearranging me; getting the original identifiers in order that I may land this space shuttle correctly; Im landing on an identity plate I launched off of.
.
This ship has landed several times back on earth; but I was not in alignment; things were in balanced; the check book ledger didnt read the right numbers; one might say! Ive had several dry runs!
.
I can feel source energy going deeper in me preparing me for land!
.
Im looking forward to letting go of the fear; the over all general fear that grips me! Im looking forward to becoming myself and not being afraid of the outside world I live it; that it can take me away from me again; rip me into pieces like before; destroy and rip off my identity mask; rip it off at the roots; the face mask; flesh mask; self mask! I had it ripped from me leaving bone and skill matter and 2 open eyes and teeth, and nothing else! ripped off me like a dog attacking a drunk; biting him in the neck area and working his way through the face, tearing his face off the skull!
.
They dont understand people like me! The whole of the recovery process or journey, Ive been a lone wolf! Ive had to blend in to fit in! I have dissociate disorder and altho, many have some form of it; few have it to disability levels! Im in general recovery for this and many other things; and altho, they try to relate, many cant! and it gets frustrating and lonely! Im doing OK-e! It seems theirs a place for everyone; Vests, Christians, drunks; but for guys like me with my specific problems; I have to fit in with everyone to take advantage of the general recovery process offered! I have to make the whole of the recovery process into an identity that I can understand!
.
Im looking forward to accepting the outside world as it is and accepting where Im at in my recovery! I spend allot of my time; or, Ive spent allot of my time in traumatic shock and fear; fear of the outside world! Im looking forward to concentrating on my goals and being bothered with nothing else!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 1418 times

Who is online

Registered users: Animeking99, archaic, Arturo1993kek, Baidu [Spider], Bing [Bot], birdsong87, dga28, EllaBlack, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, jhmatthew02, mansnils, MSN [Bot], Tyler