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Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1145)
- January 2021
The social; or new social begins
   Fri Jan 22, 2021 11:41 pm
I cant be friends with women
   Fri Jan 22, 2021 9:51 am
friendships... Is that what women wanted?
   Fri Jan 22, 2021 1:30 am
Problems with women I guess? My problems ?
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 10:44 pm
Stuff about sex; and not allowing sex
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 8:48 pm
Connecting the 2 halves
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 6:00 am
Now Im starting to get it
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 3:35 am
I could not compete because of my avoidant behavior
   Tue Jan 19, 2021 4:48 am
keep working at it
   Mon Jan 18, 2021 4:17 am
Wake up! Trying to become present
   Sun Jan 17, 2021 7:48 am
Planning life as an AVPD
   Sat Jan 16, 2021 7:24 am
Another break through
   Fri Jan 15, 2021 4:51 am
bulling and apologizing
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:17 pm
My work; to get up close in my imagination
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:17 am
Get right with God; God is saying
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 1:02 am
The message about the sociopath
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 2:24 pm
Moving forward
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 4:53 am
Beginning to move forward
   Fri Jan 08, 2021 5:11 pm
Im alone again; things are changing.
   Thu Jan 07, 2021 10:17 am

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Introduction to pre alignment; the space ship landing

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:35 pm

I can feel it; the work I've done or the work God is doing; its seeping through me! Im starting to rearrange on the inside! The problem is; Im becoming myself on the inside but the outside world does not resemble the inside world i remember when a boy! I feel like Im landing on a strange purple planet of question marks; the goal is to be OK-e with it!
"Im all alone from yesterday"; Ive felt alone in this strange new world; however, this is changing; In reality; not anymore; Im not alone anymore! Im not! I have strong points created everywhere! so, as for the closed world of recovery; the recovery process is working! The problem is; I never wanted or chose any of these strong points; people and places and things, the town, its just a stopping place, its not home.
The new people and places and things of recovery; I never suggested I like them; they are non personal! meaning; I did not chose them; they are not precious to me at a personal level, anymore then a hospital stay is precious in a personal friendship way! The hospital stay is precious for my life to continue, it does not mean its personal; neither are the strong holds of recovery; they are pillars of strength established! However, they are strangers; many of them or routine closeness robotics!
A train station can be a social strong hold for some, in a personal way; but the train station people and events are not personal; Its a strong hold, its still a stranger! If you need a hug, one can get one from a stranger; the hug is personal, the person giving it is not of a personal roll!
The point; God has and is created a strong recovery process for me; it does not mean Im not shaken and upset and weirded out and traumatized to the point of disability as I work through this recovery!
Im still sick or disabled!
I have to put on a smile and humble myself, allowing the locals to believe their in charge and Im one of them and they are important to me! In fact, they show up; thats what makes them important to me; who they are; doesn't really matter to me! cult of personalty is part of their thinking, not mine; Im not in love with worshiping them as my grand leaders; but they think they might be giants! I know better; Ill go a-long with it as long as I get fed when Im starving; but It aint personal!
When I was a boy, I had certain quarks about me or identity spiritual marks; things that significantly indicated it was me entering through the door; I was a specific Identity! When I was destroyed, my mind left me and all things associated with that first personality; or that child personality where gone; actually buried in time! buried alive!
Now, source energy God is rearranging me; getting the original identifiers in order that I may land this space shuttle correctly; Im landing on an identity plate I launched off of.
This ship has landed several times back on earth; but I was not in alignment; things were in balanced; the check book ledger didnt read the right numbers; one might say! Ive had several dry runs!
I can feel source energy going deeper in me preparing me for land!
Im looking forward to letting go of the fear; the over all general fear that grips me! Im looking forward to becoming myself and not being afraid of the outside world I live it; that it can take me away from me again; rip me into pieces like before; destroy and rip off my identity mask; rip it off at the roots; the face mask; flesh mask; self mask! I had it ripped from me leaving bone and skill matter and 2 open eyes and teeth, and nothing else! ripped off me like a dog attacking a drunk; biting him in the neck area and working his way through the face, tearing his face off the skull!
They dont understand people like me! The whole of the recovery process or journey, Ive been a lone wolf! Ive had to blend in to fit in! I have dissociate disorder and altho, many have some form of it; few have it to disability levels! Im in general recovery for this and many other things; and altho, they try to relate, many cant! and it gets frustrating and lonely! Im doing OK-e! It seems theirs a place for everyone; Vests, Christians, drunks; but for guys like me with my specific problems; I have to fit in with everyone to take advantage of the general recovery process offered! I have to make the whole of the recovery process into an identity that I can understand!
Im looking forward to accepting the outside world as it is and accepting where Im at in my recovery! I spend allot of my time; or, Ive spent allot of my time in traumatic shock and fear; fear of the outside world! Im looking forward to concentrating on my goals and being bothered with nothing else!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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