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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (951)
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- July 2019
A place exists
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:21 pm
Things are changing again
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm
Things are heating up; Im now backing down
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:06 am
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Oct 31, 2015 1:03 pm

Im not sure why; but I was destroyed and a given away much like a slave in a cage! The world around me turned on me! I watched all of this happened while I slowly went to mental sleep at which I would never awaken from!

Looking back on it; it is a reality for some like myself! I was not protected and thrown out into the world and devoured! The problem; like some; the house hold I came from was the enemy who was destroying me!

I desperately called for help to anyone that would help me; surely my upper middle class friends would help! Not only did they not help! They turned on me viciously and completely! Slammed their doors in my face! It was death for me; they knew this! For them; they were safe! For me, it was was the guillotine!

They let me die with the understanding I would not be coming back; ever; that they would never see me again; ever! so, from that point on I could no longer visit them; I was no longer friends with them! Its a form of death prejudice! you are hated by the community your in! Who has the problem; in confusion; you do not know! then with enough time and recovery; looking back, you see them for what they were!

You cannot see it! not when your young! you cant see what they are like; in their houses, and their jobs and their lives and their work! with their families and nice clothing! but something creeps up! you hear of events! someone dies or someone is killed! and then suddenly, it is whisked under the rug! or a child is being tormented by the family system they live in; and the child finally goes outside and simply puts a gun in their mouth and kills themselves! suddenly, its pushed under the middle class or upper middle class carpet! and you hear nothing of it, ever again! Why? What are they hiding! Are they murder's! Are they evil; did they push this innocent child to their death! I think so! And I think they push more then one to their death!

If you don't join them; your banished by them! Permanently! None of it is human; it is pure evil; all of it! Sociopathic!

If you are accepted you may go around the neighborhood! you may make friends! if you decide to be yourself and you end up in trouble and need! you will murder'd by them and destroyed! psychologically raped and burned to death! and in many ways, actually destroyed! certainly they will send out rumors to have you destroyed! you will become a villain or bad person; they will shun you! you did nothing wrong!

It's not sure hate; its worse! Its death! Even if they were friends; thats over with! Your over ran and ran out! Doors are shut and locked! You do not exist anymore! For ever! Its as if you were never born! You certainly will never see these people ever again!

You have to go through this to believe it! It's shocking! But not knew! You did not know the people down the street were never nice people! And they were never your friends!

--------------------------------------------------

I look back at all that Ive gone through and cannot believe Im still alive!

I must have buried myself deep down, all the way down into the core of self and subconscious where no one knew, not even me! And when the time was safe; if ever that would happen! I popped out! Or upward into my head again! Its crazy! The real me is slowly coming fourth again! Im very much untouched! Protected! Im the original me from 9 years old! And Im starting once again to be willing like a nine year old to learn new things! Im starting over again!

Starting over;

Willingness!
So, I go to this friends house! He has a small room I can sing in! It's not perfect! He has a tenant in the upstairs apartment of this house! I sing and record; no one seems to care, but I cant get that loud! And my friend; he plays on his plastic keyboard and sings! And I have to stop and show him how to complete a song! But its all good! Its all pro active and interactive! And it's happening because Im willing again to be apart of life! Slowly relearning how!

Willingness is more important then substance!

Participation is more important then the end product! But the product must be finished!

Interaction is more important then organization! It might be Un manageable or Im on the edge when doing things; but Im doing things with other people and I'm working with others and not in control! Im learning to be in an environment with others and do the things I used to do by myself! God is attempting to use all of this to bring me back to life again around others! That I get re introduced back into society and civilization once more!

I was brainwashed to death or out of my life!

And Im learning and it hurts! But it's working!

It never worked for me to be alone; I never accomplished much! I never had the will or strength to go out and be apart of anything! The world over ran me and I could not negotiate it!

I was hated and run over; my life! I was hated and ruined by the people I grew up with; ran off; I was run off! Thats a better word for it! I was ran off because I could see through them and realized they were murder's and nothing better!

I could not understand how I could have been treated the way I was treated; non of this made any sense! Nothing!

I had no friends; I was all alone! Once I saw through these people and saw that they were murder's; I was shunned out of existence!

Malcolm X, he used to say the same thing! He was correct! But I did not understand at what extent he was talking about! I always thought what he was talking about; it was the other guy he was talking about! Certainly not the people I came from!

These middle roaders or well to do! They are the worst of the bunch! They have no conscious about their treachery! Its as if they act like it's a privilege! As if it's a God given right to be above everyone!

Many times I have seen them to similar to the nazi regime of the 3rd Reich from world war 2! They are of the same nature; everyone unlike them is treated like a Jew with a number tagged on their foreheads! Money is their God! And they are in love with themselves! They worship themselves as Gods! It's ######6 putrefying! But its real! And it's not a game! They are killers or murder's!

These types don't kill you directly! But they do kill you directly in other ways that leave them intact and you hanging at the end of a rope! If you were not born into privilege! You will be a second class example to them! For they believe they own the earth and everyone else works for them to survive!

When these types read the bible, they assume the bible is simply talking about the middle class! Or upper middle class! And no one else! They own their own private God; Jesus Christ! And their private God shall do their bidding to protect them in their evil land marks and practices!

I had no hope and no connection! Now, things are different; but this has come from recovery work and God! It did not come from the locals in the local community! They would have destroyed me again; if given the chance!

They are worthless merciless losers! Godless murder's! Sycophants!

When I was natural or myself and innocent! It exposed what these people were! They were a closed tribe of liars adapting Jesus Christ as a private murder God to get back at the people that were trying to get back at them! They went to Jesus for revenge power! " take out our enemies O. God, slain them like David did Goliath'! Who are their enemies! The only enemies these people have are the decent real people they have robbed! They have been robbing the poor for years and the poor will rise up! The upper middle classes or middle class are hiring Jesus to get rid of these vermin; the poor! So they don't tell the world of the middle class crimes against innocent people that are fueled by the desire to fit in with the rich! They are suede rich people! Or false rich!

The upper middle classes didn't get their money any other way then selling their souls! They are hiring Jesus to protect their way of life! They think they own Jesus! They rent him at the rental center because they are privileged now; and privileged people get to rent Jesse's from the rental center! " I want my Jesus statue; I get one now"!

Jesus is their thug Generator of destruction! If you got a problem with someone that claims you're not who you think you are; call Jesus and have that person zapped!

But the real Jesus Christ! Is not the one in the videos on youtube proving he was nothing more then a replacement sun God for the Egyptians! And the real Jesus Christ is not the middle class hired gun that they may continue to uptain hi rates of money at all costs; squeezing a dime out of the poor! Selling their souls for a brick of gold! Smiling about their achievements with their gold plated teeth and gold plated death!

God is God! And God is with the poor and no other! And every person is poor! Anyone on this planet; but only a few know it! And when you know you are poor! You are stunned and have no place to run or hide! You're not sure what to do or think! So, you turn to God! For the world has rejected you for being honest!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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