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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/index_sid-f3b8c58d4016da88cae9e76a3a7e4539_start-20.html |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Fri Aug 15, 2025 4:24 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | It happened again; another connection… |
It happened again; another connection… . This time I was watching TV shows from the past of my generation… “ We’r the young people and we’v got somth’n to say”; . So; from my childhood I was watching the Partridge Family; All young kids wanted to be like Keith Partridge when they grew up… He was a great example of how we were like in those days… Those shows represent life fairly well; when when I was a young boy in my childhood. Its like looking at a merrier in time. More importantly; it represents my identity at that time period. . Something happened as I was remembering. I remember those shows when I was kid; I remember watching them; so re watching them again is just like being back in my childhood. . However; Something strange happened; Suddenly I was thinking about women and connecting with them and not feeling good enough. . Im the guy that was goofy around women; I didn’t have any training from a big brother or friend or uncle on how to pick up women; Meaning; meeting them; courting them and so on; into a relationship; I did know anything… So; I bungled around once in awhile; And I kind of randomly mindless fell into a girlfriend; and unfortunately it was more then just a horrible horrible disaster… Most of the time it was someone fare below my value system level; so much so; I was fairly unhappy and confused most of the time; resentful they were never the right kind of people for me; but always the wrong kind of people completely. . . I still don’t know what Im doing; but Now atleast I have a more constructive attitude about the whole thing. . Im the classic guy that looked at women as always being way better then me; I didn’t have a chance with. If they were really pretty; I simply gave up long before I would ever get near them; I was to intimidated by their looks and would run. I felt bad inside if I got to close because they wouldnt need someone like me; they had a million options. They had so many options I would never put myself into that situation just to be humiliated. . Also; I was so unsure of myself around women; I just could not be myself and joke around or act like everything was OK. I was to shy and never felt worth much around women. I just gave up and never got near them anymore and went off into my own world… . MENTAL BREAK DOWNS> My mental break downs; The many Ive had; left me similar to being like someone with a stroke. Literally; very similar. . Meaning; Ive really only been able to go to 12 step meetings speak and ride mountain bikes most of the time. My Mountain biking is what keeps me sane. . Heres the point; Now; Im starting to rehabilitate; Im working with a better attitude about getting better; to learn how to get back in touch with society. . Something happened when watching these TV shows of my past; and then I watched some dating channels on how to talk to women or date; And suddenly I realized I never felt anywhere near good enough about myself to date anyone. Im not sure I feel any different right now; But something happened. Suddenly I felt connected; aligned with my worth and value and I said to myself; “ I can do this”; it was like I was connecting to my own independence… . I was at that frequency again I remember when a kid growing and secretly believing in myself and my future and wanting my independence. And suddenly I felt it again. It happened; I connected… I connected to that person of the past; The me of the past that would grow independently. And felt really confidence and good enough about myself. I felt good about myself; suddenly confidence; like I walked into that frequency. And suddenly I said to myself; Im good enough to take a chance and see what happens. Im all good; I can do this; I can take this chance regardless of the outcome; Im good enough and Im worth it… but its more then this. Its like; Im somebody; I can do this… I felt good about myself. And I don’t t... [ Continued ] |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Fri Aug 15, 2025 1:42 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | First Real connection of my new life developing... |
SO; Something has happened… . I connected today with a women; I did something; I kind of flirting joking; a connection; Something that has never connected since age 14; and well; well before that; How I was when very young; ages 5-9…. My authentic self. My real growing self… . So; I connected with my heart with things; I could not be in survival mode; or I was in control by taking chances; even if half the time I was in a heightened level of awareness. . I remember this connective feeling when skiing as a child up on the Hill; the Ski Slopes… . This connection came from God; it came from my inner being; But what was it really; what it really was; It was the protected child deep down low coming out; feeling safe; feeling free; feeling practiced; and “ Bam”; A lightening bold right throw me to that girl; BAM; right to her heart; right from me. Like sending a lightening bolt right into a girls heart; and suddenly I felt it; I was completely back at a complete moment; like when I was a young child. BAM BAM BAM; And their it is; What Ive been working for; for the later half of my recovery process… And it happens; and it happened to today. |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Wed Aug 13, 2025 8:46 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Coming back from nervous breakdowns… |
Coming back from nervous breakdowns… And how it affects Dating… . So; under God; with magic and help; Im finding myself in a new manifested quantum leap’d; Real!. . Im becoming social and popular again with women. I love women; I love them with all my heart. Meaing; Im extremely attracted to them at all times and love being around them obssessivly. I used to spend hours and hours with them doing everything… talking, calling, visiting.. hanging out. ALlot of me thought about them all the time non stop. I loved them; and thought about them all the time and wanted to be round them with them and doing things with them all the time. I just loved it. I love to talk; and I loved to talk to them. Love… . So; Im looking forward to learning a life back where I get to be more social and meet interesting people again and spend time with them. . Another problem; I want to meet women that are right on the inside for me; But; Also on the outside. Many times now; Im interacting with women who have the right education but M; Im just not attracted to them completely… What I want is both; at-least an even amount on both sides; in n out! . So; Ill have to pray for this. Im scared because I don’t want to go through being put down. What can I say; I want a women I think is adorable and beautiful physically… For me! And I don’t want any less. I don’t know what they would mean to anyone else but…. . And Im not around that… . Its always like; Theirs so much competition out here… IT seems like the girls that are 4’s in looks are going after guys with 9’s in looks and social status. Unfortunately; those girls will only be good for physical expression with a gent like that; nothing more; and he will leave them after a few months of using them… Im just kind of throwing that out there. I saw this info on a vid in youtube… So… Take what you like and leave the rest. . For myself; So far; Ive never gotten the right combination… Yet. I really need to see it as something positive that Im getting close and I have to believe its possible… Possible to find or have God bring someone beautiful and adorable to me; How I feel about them; And intellectual and smart as well… with down to earth reality… Anyway… Im getting there. I have to learn to believe. . . . They were a real part of my existence; a thorough complete part of my existence; they were all I thought about. But not everything. And its this part of my life; I lost all. And now Im grieving badly heavy; while God regains my life ability back to me again under his direction and care. . I had another several lives developing at the same time; and I had interest in those other things as well. However; When the real breakdowns started; it was all over; No more social; everything became schizophrenic, unreal, and anti personality disordered; Anti social to survive. Al-tho; finally I could no longer survive on my own; I was gone; lost… . However; after more neglect abandenment and abuse from the origional people I came from ( meaning; I was being thrown away); My mind left me and then I was not here anymore. No more popularity or anything. Nothing; I became far distant from people. . After this mental illness got worse n worse. . However; after years of recovery; Now; its getting better for me. However; its slow; and its all work under God… . However; God is taking care of me like no other. By being under Gods realm, energy, and sovereign state; Only good things or coming my way continuously. I asked God for a girlfriend. And Im being changed inside and out to do it; God Universe is the one changing the inside of me… Im literally getting flipped upside down; backwards into a new being. . Here I am; Im becoming social again; needed in that very special sensitive aware awake spontaneous way; interested way; that combines to be an interesting soul to women…. And its been happeni... [ Continued ] |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Tue Aug 12, 2025 12:32 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | aligning with the universe; on dating someone |
. So the goal is to work with God through the whole of this situation; and keep working at it; aligning with the universe; and asking God for help; and keep loving these people; over n over n over; Do this in general through random acts of kindness out in society; As I have been doing… and keep up with the mediation; for meditation aligns me God, universe, inner being; that is the process Im seeking; and write new stories of this energy of HER with me; next to me; My girlfriend as if she is with me right now always; and keep it up. Amen Keep at it. Do this until it feels normal for her energy to be with me; within me; moving around around me; and above me and below me; as if she lives here; here with me; where her energy is jumping up in down on me; holding me; arms around me; teasing me; laughing with me; sitting next to me and so on. Laying on me; sleeping next to me and so on; walking with me hand n hand; until I will not accept anything less in life then to have a girlfriend with me; why; Because I will not accept any lower standards… And that truly tells the story. . NO MORE LOWER STANDARDS; AND THAT TRULY TELLS THE STORY… . . Goal for over coming my mother and fathers intersections toward me when young; For I had no mother and father; these were monsters who set me up to torture me and destroy me… and then I basically was never wanted around them again… It was as if I had never been born… and had no rights or human rules spawn toward me. As if no rules to protect me or treat me like a human being; nothing! So; problem is broken down into three areas when dealing with others concerning the acquisition of a relationship. . 1. Interaction with person 2. communication with person 3. follow through into relationship with person; romantic relationship; Girlfriend. . Primary goal; To first practice with others; Tell the person first what I think and feel… let them know my direction; who I am; what I want. And then let them decide if Im their cup a tea; its not based on attraction alone; its based on knowledge of whom they are talking to; and then we will go from there. Not able to explain in words who I am; NO GO! Ill be off working with someone else.. . . . So; when practicing with women; To approach them; talk to them; get to know people; go walk around with them; Tell them what Im doing; what Im practicing. And tell them all about myself and practice to start with; and get it all out. . Next; after practicing with many telling my story; Go out and make them laugh. And come back and ask them out for coffee or to go feed the ducks or something like that. Go from there. . The point is; To them who I am. Its better to tell them who I am first and see who is interested in going and feeding the ducks. . Also; . Work with God on this goal; write about this goal; this goal of meeting women; talking to them; telling them who I am; and then going to the park and feeding the ducks; and go from there…. . Start writing about this as an actual goal at this point. And from feeding the ducks to coffee; and then; learning how to go from there to a further inner intimacy of relationship; inviting them over or something like that; ( Scares me to think Im getting that close to people again); keep writing about it until it feels normal again to do so. . I have allot of trauma to work through surrounding all of this… So; let it all happen and deal with the trauma as it shows up; Im able and ready for that I think. Start writing those new stories. . . . So the goal is to work with God through the whole of this situation; and keep working at it; aligning with the universe; and asking God for help; and keep loving these people; over n over n over; Do this in general through random acts of kindness out in society; As I have been doing… and keep up with the mediation; for meditation aligns me God, universe, inner being; that ... [ Continued ] |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Mon Aug 11, 2025 3:17 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Intimacy problems from the beginning of life |
Im now talking about strait Intimacy problems within and from the beginning of my life. This is pure subject. Im not talking about relationships concepts anymore. Im talking about strait intimacy problems from the beginning of my life… In a sense; Im exposing pure weakness to these people in these meetings; I can already see many women getting turned off from hearing this kind of thing. O Well. Ill never be in their sights; but I will recover as my higher power wants me to; And my Higher power will bring the right people and places and things when Im aligned for such things through meditation and new written stories concerning my new goals; as if I already have them. . Problem or challenge; When talking openly about intimacy problems; it takes me back to 2nd grade; and I have to remember everything and how everything feels and who I really am.. And its hard because of the memory of losses of that time period; its all very hard. . My goal is intimacy with other people; connection. . Because Ive pin pointed the issue; “ Intimacy” as the problem; and Ive suggested desire and goal or solution in the place of this problem; I want to be intimate with others in many ways within society; meaning friends and girlfriends and later a wife and family; I want to be connected within society; because I have this pin pointed goal; If I continue to work on it daily; It will emerge; it will manifest. . When I wanted to learn how to play guitar; I spend years talking about it; what I wanted; what was in the way; the psych challenges and attitudes and personal fears surrounding it; Finally years later; it happened; it took much work and much open ended expression around others; but it worked; I found my pathways under God; Universe helping me; And Smash! I stuck it out long enough to learn how to play the guitar; at least a solid beginning level; and Ive worked with other musicians playing basic acoustic guitar and singing; So…. . I believe intimacy will be no different to manifest the Guitar playing; Art creation or music creation. They were all challenging and took a long time to manifest; However; its happened. Ive used quantum leaps and laws of attraction… and Think and grow Rich; the book; by Napoleon Hill; And other Laws of attraction coaches. . . So it begins… |
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