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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1762)
Archives
- March 2024
The sensitive part of real
   Sun Mar 31, 2024 11:33 pm
From single to Non single
   Fri Mar 29, 2024 6:45 am
Manifesting new things
   Tue Mar 26, 2024 4:43 am
The new road...
   Mon Mar 25, 2024 7:26 am
Expectations and life on lifes terms
   Mon Mar 25, 2024 5:30 am
learning how to work at things in reality
   Fri Mar 22, 2024 4:44 am
Finally feel like Im moving on from the past
   Thu Mar 21, 2024 4:00 am
Friend to Friend; leaping forward
   Wed Mar 20, 2024 5:42 am
Next sign of breaking away from the past…
   Tue Mar 19, 2024 11:10 pm
Starting to show First Signs of breaking away from individuals o
   Tue Mar 19, 2024 5:55 am
Seeing green when its Red...
   Tue Mar 19, 2024 3:49 am
A gift from God #2
   Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

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The sensitive part of real

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Mar 31, 2024 11:33 pm

The sensitive part of real!
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The real me; the sensitive part with no parents when young; alone; no nothing! And it was that part that Im coming into now. A decent person when young; no parents no home; no nothing…
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And it is that part Im coming into now…
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When young; the girls I was interested in; I just could not open this up; I wouldnt open this up; I knew they did not have any interest in me at this level; in helping me; in being my friend…. I just knew it; it meant I was hanging around the wrong people and I had to drop out. This broke me; broke my heart. I had put all of myself into my relationship future only to find I was actually never having a relationship with anyone. I never allowed myself to ever get that close..
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I never allowed it because I could see it; they were not concerned and I really didn’t mean anything to them. I didn’t realize this until I realized they weren’t helpers.. they were wasting my time. They were literally wasting my time. It will not be till later that I realized; I was seeking them out; they were never seeking me. Who had the problem. I did. If I go back to God and start over; maybe God; if I stayed with God; maybe God would bring the right people around me; people I could feel safe around… people I could open up to; that special place of being myself. I would need someone who is a helper and friend; No one else!
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So; maybe they would have been that person; those from the far past; but I doubt it; I don’t know; I know I can go to God and stay with God and allow Gods energy to recreate a new life with new helpers and new friends…
The old now; they are ghosts; Thank God! They have come n past; much like cargo ships in the night. They came; I watched them slow move in front of me.. and a few hours later they past through the night never to be seen again.
When young I was in agony over this; Now; I feel loved and safe through God; for God was watching out for me and would not allow these evil incursions to experience me and destroy me. I was already being destroyed.
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God would not allow the evil to engulf me. Instead; God made the evil pass through the night. And I alone again. I was in agony.
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If I want God to supply helpers that are my friends; Ill have to go to God and stay with God and see who God brings…
They are God energy; from God… They will show their faces to me… I will turn to God for help and clarification.
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Im a sensitive person. And cannot open that part of myself up to people who are not responsible or not safe.
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Ill ask God what arena Ill need to be myself.
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Ill keep working with God.
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MUSIC;
Im asking God for help and guidance… on being a performer. Its very hard for a dissociative. I can hardly handle any reality. And when pitched with reality; I can hardly think while Im directly in reality; its like being totally exposed to the sun when its to bright… its just to much… Like being in a desert with no water… to much sun…
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The reality is; I fall far short in reality; That is why Im on a disability. I can handle maybe 3% of reality. I can hardly function in it our around anyone in it. I can talk a big game but when it comes time to be in reality; I fold…
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So; Ill work on this.
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I mentioned that I fold in reality; I wanted women in the past that I liked; I wanted them to know this about me and help me; I wanted them to help me; until I realized they were never going to help me; They were never looking for someone like me…
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So; I have to ask God for help for relationships and occupations… Stay with God down God Pathway… manifest while with God and have everything ran through God coming from God from Gods energy…
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I refused to do this in the past… And I will pay a heavy price for this. I believed when young I was doing this but I wasnt. And ill pay a heavy price for this.
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Its as if I was hanging out in Satan's backyard and I was trying to claim...

[ Continued ]

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From single to Non single

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Mar 29, 2024 6:45 am

From Single to Non Single.
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First let me say; all things are under my higher power and I start with prayer and meditation under my higher power.. This is very important; all things taken to my higher power and worked through and asked of my higher power. And my higher power brings those who qualify. I don’t have anything to do with that part of things. They are attracted; not to me; to start with; they are attracted to my higher power. And they are attracted to the higher power that is in me. So I must be inline with my higher power so that they may see the higher power they are attracted to; they may see it in me… The attributes of my higher power the qualities of my higher power. This is the journey whether I like it or not.
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THIS IS NOT A FUN JOURNEY! I CAN FEEL THE FEAR AND TERROR>…
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As for women; This is not a journey about women. This is a journey about my manhood. I now seek to go from a position of self that was a state of mind of single to Non-Single.
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This does not require women; this is about a mans journey facing forward and going on a journey.
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This is about working through grief of a past. I have done so. A treaty of peace or neutrality has occurred from the past; However; It has been under the guidance this time of God the whole time. And because of this; a peace has occurred.
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I guess its kind of like a divorce. I guess; Ive never been divorced. One might like the other person but cant live with them… So they divorce and move on… And that is what Im doing; a treaty of neutrality and peace with those people and places and things of the past; And now Im moving on.
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What kept me single? GRIEF!
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Now; Working with God and aligning with God; Ive worked aligned with God and God has helped me out and is helping me out. God shines on me like a star-sun. And thus the grief has been worked out ENOUGH. Its not perfect; but its perfect enough for God. God smiles… And God gives me the Go -ahead to move on. God is my Mother and Father; And has has given me the go ahead to move on.
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My new journey is about going from a state of Single to Non-Single.
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A man who is non single in nature and spirit and intellect; he can date 10,000 women; Hes all about interacting with women and dating correctly in the right ways that make sense under God… meeting new people. And having girlfriends and more and marriages if that make safe sense under God today. Its about soulmates UNDER GOD! Shes my best friend; my helper; FROM GOD! UNDER GOD…
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She is created by Gods energy.. She is attracted to my energy because my energy comes from God… But it is God she is attracted to and feels safe. And if I have that energy from God; it is that energy she is attracted to…
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So; those things about a womens position on who they are under God; Gods energy and such; Fair enough; but Im not even in that position to be worrying bout that.
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Im on a journey; A journey going from a meeker boy to man; manhood… Under God… God always sovereign over head. All things are taken to God first to go down the journey… As I go down the journey.
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This is an unknown journey.
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SO; It begins when it begins.
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Please understand its still horrible; moving forward when I have a past; come from a post; its just possible when before it wasnt possible. Now it is…
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And FEAR; Man o Man; Do I have Fear! I can feel it.
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So; Ill be starting this at some point because; Ive earned my way up to this point and this is my starting point…
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A kid that earns his way through the 6th grade. They don’t put him back to first grade. He starts out where he legally finished off; he starts out with what ever comes after 6th grade. Can he prove it; Yes! Hes or she has earned it ( They) have earned it.. They start out where they can show proof that theyve honestly earned.
Under God; Ive honestly earned the right to go to the next level up concerning dating...

[ Continued ]

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Manifesting new things

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Mar 26, 2024 4:43 am

Women;
Dating women…
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Talking to women…
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That is the problem…
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I look back at women I liked when young and I wanted to talk to but I couldn’t. No connection ever really happened. No one really ever valued me enough to even notice me; I was invisible. At some point I just walked away.
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I had no mother; so that whole thing was destroyed and I am a bit strangely emptied because of it… I don’t know. Im bashful around women. I don’t know how to trust anyone…
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I don’t know how to talk to anyone. But talking to women is what I wanted to do when I was much younger.
Now I want to talk to women about the women I couldn’t talk to when young; actually; I want to talk to women now about the things I wanted to talk to women about when I was younger.
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Im still that broken person.. but I feel better; more healed; better…
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I still; I havent really talked to anyone since childhood. And even those people were not my friends; they were faking it… But I was still able to believe they were my friends so I opened up about things.
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Today; I would like women to talk to about things; just as I wanted to talk to them years ago… but no one was interested in me… \
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Now; Im working with God that maybe God can bring the right people that might be interested in me.
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THE MEETING:
I opened up tonight about some things… I talked about being SUGAR WIDOW’D; This is my wording for a man thats meeting the perfect women when hes younger; and can never really find anyone as good as that women who can measure up. Its like being spoiled by to much sugar… And now no one is sweat enough anymore… Got spoiled. However; Hold on; there is hope. Going Down energy river far enough; starts me over in my lifes journey as if I was never spoiled; so I get to do this again; live my life… under God! Energy river is a spirit river under God Jesus Universe Holy spiritus…
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The key is; I talked about many things tonight and got a chance to talk to one guy after the meeting; personally about this women dating stuff; past Sugar Widow’d sitaution. This means Im opening up about the past because its past tense in many respects. Im not living in the past Im connecting to the present and wanting to talk about the dysfunction of the past and how to fix those things that are still dysfunctional now in the present that I never got answers for in the past. And this is good…
This means; In the past I was specifically messed up. However; because I never fixed any of these problems. I specifically messed up in the present just like in the past; same problems; However; today because Im in the present; Im looking for answers for these problems!@
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WORKING WITH GOD;
At this point its about cropping up new relationships in my imagination; Imagining Im working with God. And God is creating new people for me; new relationship out of the energy of God and they appear and talk with them. And with enough time; they start to show up in front of me as real people; If I began to believe in my imagination that what Im creating in my imagination is real.
In my imagination;
Im sitting with God in the backyard of a house that is safe; on the grass in a small town… The Angels are there; Jesus is there; the universe is looking overhead. The Holy Spirit is present…
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I imagine God overhead; Jesus; With hands out; is sending energy into the circle; a circle made by Angels who are sending energy from their hearts n minds into the circle. The Holy spirit is walking into the center of the circle. And is the guiding center. God is overhead watching an sending in God energy; All energy is from Universe God…
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And from this energy sends forth within the circle; forms are appearing. And slowly the concept of Helper and Friend are appearing. The shape of a girl…
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Im a child in this scenario; on a bench sitting up against the back of the house with my NEW parents; God has given me; and Im watching. And I can feel it; ...

[ Continued ]

0 Comments Viewed 586 times

The new road...

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Mar 25, 2024 7:26 am

Work and relationships;
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So; Ive started working on music with the idea of accomplishing songs… Im thinking; Im so dissociated I never stuck to doing anything or finishing anything or creating anything I would actually play in front of others; That may be changing if I can handle sticking to this process of work…
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I get it; its allot of data and information. But that information is suppose to be worked to a point of creating something with the data and information; and that information and data is turned into my own form of songs; songs of a standard of performance; solid and marketable. They are not suppose to be perfect or polished gold. They are to show a sense of professionalism at a basic solid level; Radio level; NO! Maybe not.. but a solid attempt to create a good song… Something comparable.
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Im starting to see how I zoned out… its very hard dealing with this data all the time. But Im just barely able to deal with all of this. It requires memorization and allot of work with allot of data… And skills… its a craft!
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RELATIONSHIPS;
I have to keep working with the Universe on this one. Just nice people. No popular people; no past Cheerleaders from the Football fields of popularity ville. No NO NO… \
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I never became anything; so I never experienced anything. I was thrown away… So I never met the kind of people I wanted to be around; Nothing… Im now waking up to this fact; and I run it through God and that is all I run it through; no one else.
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So; im starting to get some sense back.
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As for the music; lots of data going through a dissociated avoidant brain. Ill work on it and see what I can do… The goal is to be a musician.
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For relationships; The goal is to be myself; a nice person and working with God; only attract nice people. I have absolutely no idea what level that is. I don’t know… I don’t know where I fit into.. I have no idea. I don’t know…
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I know where I don’t fit in!
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Getting my identity back will be possible but hard. Im already on that track… Now; it will require allot of work and consistent staying power on this Pathway; this God pathway…
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Expectations and life on lifes terms

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Mar 25, 2024 5:30 am

Expectations
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Well; Things are changing; Im getting more inline with what I want.
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Music;
I cant hear a thing. I listen to a song and I cant hear a thing; I have idea what the chords are.. I finally listen to pop songs with that group of chords and then I look online for a vid of it being played in a basic chordal way on Piano; And when I see the piano version of the chords; I realized after guessing what the chords are; Im completely wrong. Im wrong because I wont spend more the 3 seconds trying to figure out something. I give up and play the vid. And after realizing Im completely wrong about the chords. I do listen to the song on piano and I can create those chords on piano…
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So; Im able to find a way of finding the chords Im looking for; the progressions only by being beat down to a point of giving up on being smart enough to figure anything out. And I realize I know nothing. Ive never done this before…
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What Im doing is what young teenagers do when they start their first punk band playing guitar. Well; That's exactly where Im at. Thats because Ive never done this before; Ive just lied that Ive done this before.
So; Ill be learning about chords like every other young teenager starting in their rock or punk band… Ill be looking at chords from vids on pop songs…
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I guess I thought I was above this; I guess Im not…
OK…
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So; to start out a song set of my own; Ill be basically stealing from everyone. Ill use their chord progression; Ill change the chorus hooks chords a bit yet set it all up just like some popular songs and add my own words. Fair enough Jesus!
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I got to get started in the real world somehow…
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The idea of proving my intelligence continues to go out the window…
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So; when practicing to get started; Ill have to steal chordal structured songs and write my own lyrics and perform them somewhere… Welcome to the beginning of reality…
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No expectations please.
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So; Im getting it; I know nothing about pop song structure or any other structure… I only know what Ive fooled around with for years and years and half a century; which is nothing; avoidance playing. Playing to try to sound like something real without actually practicing any authentic legitimate songs. Now that Im being forced to surrender; I realize I know nothing… And I cant seem to figure anything out. Beginning Teenagers playing in speed metal bands no more then I do even if their song only has three power chords… O Well. Ive lived a lie for a long time Now Im being grounded.
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Ive told everyone Ive been flying 747’s when all Ive really been doing is trolling around the airport in a push cart with wings hooked up to a rubber band propeller.
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Now that Im actually interested in real plains. I No NOTHING! I have to start from the ground up just like everyone else.
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For this example I use planes; Im actually talking about my music. I thought I could fantasy improvise my way into learning what everyone else has to learn by watching and listening and reading and writing. Well. Now that Im moving on from fantasy; Ill be doing the same thing; How humiliating.. But; at-least Ill learn what they've learned. But please; don’t tell anyone Im not that smart. I just cant handle the ego slam… Thanks…
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CHORDS;
So far; its not that I cant figure out what im reading from the charts on the vids Im watching; its just that I didn’t figure it out on my own because Im not disciplined enough to figure things out. I never got into things enough to figure things out… I never cared about being involved in something enough to figure things out. And now Im paying for it; Its not to bad; its just a let down; I wasnt the brianiac I thought I was… Im just like everyone else; Fine. Ill learn just like everyone else.. Fair enough…
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Relationships;
Relationships in the past; To many expectations. What was I thinking. Ive got so much spoiled nature to work through… To come back to ...

[ Continued ]

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