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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/index_sid-b3d2595a46f078738af271f8c8ad0b4c_start-15.html |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Thu Jul 24, 2025 8:47 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Going beyond the boarder line of this present reality |
Signs are showing the present areas Im involved in or have been; Im sailing through and possibly going beyond the boarder line of this present condition situation and perimeter. . When I grow out of my present situation; people show up from the past; usually people of stress I did not like or get along with; and its possible; or women who liked me and wouldnt change so I never really started with them. Never got close. . I just got innocently and authentically presented as a married man with a wife and children and house and car; 100% by someone; As if I was a normal married man under the stress of having a family and house and car and kids and family; It was from God; it slammed me like a tsunami. . I really felt it when that Gent said that to me and the group. He said it in front of the group; Im not sure he even knew what he was doing… I don’t think he did; it was strait from the universe and I felt it; I felt the responsibility I would be under; the stress.. I really felt it; like I was married and has responsibility. It also had a feeling of being connected to my childhood; that being married is where I was suppose to be; or have been… . SO; here I am.. Its slowly materializing. . Today at the big store; more people showing up from the past; right in front of me… When I was and have been thinking and working on visualizing a wife and children. Suddenly out of know where; women from the past are showing up around me.. Fair enough; I get it; its the universe sending clues. . Now; as I get stronger; and Ill have to keep working on it; Ive got allot of growing up to do in a specific area where there is nothing but a hallow non development; its a place I was thrown away… and now working God; Im slowly waking up to it and finding myself closer and closer to walking through that time portal to a new life… its closer; all of this. And it hurts really bad… all of this. Well; Im moving toward participating in a areas. And Im growing through it and into it!.. \ . Im having to wake up where Im in massive pain from being thrown away and exposed to horror with no help; no one on my side; no way out; nothing; God is making me relive it; go through it at-least to come out on the other side. Amen . Im simply going through all of this; I don’t know where its going to end up… . . |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Mon Jul 21, 2025 2:45 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Getting close to a new quantum leap into a new area of developme |
So; some of the girls in this recent episode of my development; They are truly not my friends. I got played or worse. What ever that can be. They are cold as ice with me as if I never met them; they could care less who I am; if they ever see me again; Nothing. I was simply put in my place by them. I assume a game they were playing with other women in the group to push it and see if they could put me in my place. They are certainly not friends of mine. . How do I feel; Nothing! Im not stupid enough to fall for those things. Would I did do was fall inline with my higher power and allow my higher power to send me in a direction; and it happened and I gained advantage and experience; It was like a quantum shift; what happened. With in a few weeks to a month. I became popular with many women; and thus was see by other women and noticed and some of them taking notice began to call me out. I; in my innocence; actually had no reason to believe anything other then; they were genuinely interested in me; They were not; they were cold heartedly playing me with absolutely no interest in ever talking to me or seeing me again. They could care less who I am or that they ever saw her heard me speak or ever met me for the short time they did. . This is what I know. I have to slowly allow God to take me over into the next threshold. It is upon me. Ill explain. This girl that played me. She actually allowed me to gain some very important experience down my God Pathway toward my wife; but first toward opening up to the world and dating again. I came within the last moment of actually dating someone again after numerous years out of the circle of this kind of thing. In order for me to date; I have to be back in; in with people; with society; back in with women; within the middle circle. And that is what is happening. God made it happen… . However; I never was able to follow through; I never received another text and the person has never talked to me since; and appears to act like I have never met her… I can see the hostility and contempt in her face; a kind of anger and stern hatred of no interest for me. . Ive stayed to my myself now; from that crowd. Im no longer around any of those people. Im not popular anymore; I literally dislocated myself from those people. And im not popular anymore. . After all of this; other events occurred in a truly favorable manner… a real intimacy night with many of us in the recovery process sitting and talking about dating. It was truly God created. I was in shock this would ever happen for me; to feel “ IN” again like this; like feeling like I belonged to one big family. . Then; ;later; a week later; I told the story of change. And another women spouted out; Hey I think Im going to the park and feed the ducks after the meeting. That would have been a cue for me to meet up with this other person and feed the ducks with her; thus establishing a kind of date. And that would have pulled me over into that world… Im that close… But I didn’t; I know the person. But just didn’t jump on that situation. Another will occur. . So; Im in this place. God wants me to learn abundance! That means; theirs more then one girl on planet earth; I may have to learn what women have to deal with in life; Having numerous girl in waiting because I don’t know which will strike that match between us. I might try out several God has sent but for what ever reason; it never happens. And then finally with enough experience; Ill be so close to meeting the right one; having us at each others frequency; It may be in walking distance that I find her. But only at that point of experience. Im now moving into the frame of area; meaning that new describe place where I take women to the park and we feed the ducks. What ever that may mean; but it means; the beginning of actual dating. And I believe Ill meet many women first and get lots of experience under God with this... [ Continued ] |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Sun Jul 20, 2025 5:36 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | So; I deal with my first interactive crisis |
So; I deal with my first interactive crisis as being my new person… After taking an interest in her; Im ghosted. No problem; I did see her again in a meeting place; I ignored her but if I didn’t completely ignore her. If Ieven looked up; she is right there to check me; I can feel and see it; that she took it as her catching me looking her; ego boost. Her Ego Boost. So; I lose my position of power with her… Why; because thats all the importance I have with her… When in reality; I actually liked her because I thought she would be someone I could get to know and talk to; that idea was all wasted on the wrong person. She is not trying to get to know me. I basically never retext her. I just walked away… But Ive found; no matter what I do; she will gas light me every time I see her…. I got emotionally invested to early. I just thought the person was sincere. She had no interest in me; she was just getting my attention for a moment. She kind of flipped the script on me. My innocence and decency were weaponized against me. I just never saw her like that the few times I talked to her… . So; it begins… However; because Im getting more confident around women; One women kind of suggested that she was going to the park to feed the ducks; I suppose I could have asked this new person if I join them; I thought maybe thats what she was implying. So; that takes things to the next step. That means I move on completely. This is not my friend. . And I have to move on. Im just being played by fools…. Maybe Im actually wrong; but I doubt it. I don’t think anything is here; I was interested in her; she has no interest in me; And knowing this and working with God; I move on. I tell God; “ If you sent her to me God; she is causing violations”. . What Im saying; I have to work with God; and move on completely and learn about abundance! . I must work with God and let God bring more women to my life… . I have to get to the point that I never look at this person ever again for any reason… And their it is. Im being played.. . GOAL; The goal is to start moving on….. . Really moving on! . I will never see this person again; and their it is… Thats the way it goes. Im just starting out; and my mistakes and being around the wrong people will happen. . So; this is a good lesson concerning God help me and me depending on God to move on. . This is the big lesson to learn…. Ive been played; it will happen again. And maybe she never played me; she simply had no interest in me but was polite… . I must get on my knees and pray and start again and keep going...and I will, Am. . Im not good enough or experienced enough with women and relationships; to be enough for a person like this; instead; I don’t have all those things I need to associate with. . Here behavior doesn’t align with my standards…. . I don’t barter I don’t beg I don’t plead… . I never and never come back ever… And their It always has bee . So; my ego has to be reduced in this; as I thought that maybe I was liked by someone; but I was wrong. So I have to go on forward…. . This was never my friend. I was dismissed. . and another women came along right after this that would have maybe gone and fed the ducks with. But I didn’t ask; but it looked like the opportunity was present. . Ill keep working with God and imagine new people; Please God; please help me; Amen. . . Mountain biking; Well; after 10 years and saving allot of money and going into dept and accepting the price of a new mountain bike; I just bought one. I had to work with God until I was simply doing what God said; because I allowed to receive this direction from God. I had to get below God and learn to take directions from God. . I made a mistake. I make mistakes all the time… if I would just stay inline with my inner being; and learn that lesson; Im costing myself self destruction and masochism… I was s... [ Continued ] |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Sat Jul 19, 2025 6:12 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Dating support |
Dating support; . Ive been working on dating and social aspects for a while now with a sponsor. The goal was to come back from nothing; making my way all the way back to new experiences; experiences that would take me to popularity with women; wonderful conversations with women with confidence; and finally phone numbers and asking for dates. And; Ive gotten this far. Ive gotten all the way right up next to the first date; But it never happened… I never got the first date; I got smoked or ghosted on the last one. So; Almost; But I got that far. And that is a super amount of experience; and I did it; Hurrah! . So; after talking to the sponsor about all of it. . I ended up at a meeting today; a special meeting; I go to on Fridays. I was totally dissociated and not sure what my future looked like. However; of all the strange but great things to happen; Dating came up as one of the topics and everyone started to open up; almost like a campfire group on an outing camping around the campfire at early dark… talking …. really intimate… . I was shocked; and completely taken by surprise and what a great surprise. I got to open up yet again; and tell a group of people very close; that I had confidence; and no self worth when it came to dating; I had no sexual market value; because I had no idea who I am to anyone. And that I was bashful and afraid and petrified and scared to death of being rejected; Im super vulnerable. . And that God finally told me to stop going after people that had no value for me; Just Stop. . Now; Im gathering a team of individuals I can respond to as I go into the world of dating. The world of dating for me is much like a job search. Its serious business. Im looking for someone internally just like me. Im an introvert; intellectual; shy withdrawn; bashful extremely secretive creative; shy. . This type of person Im looking for; Ill have to get up to speed… . I told the group; I wanted someone that missed me; cared if they had no seen me. Someone that when they woke up in the morning they thought about me and it meant something to them; they were thinking about me when they got up in the morning. If they hadnt seen me for a year; they would always wonder what happened to me and they were thinking about me. If they saw me again; they would be excited to see me and enthusiastic; People interested in me. . Thats what Im looking for and working with God on finding… and or attracting. And someone that wants to help me; build me up; as my best interests at heart. And so one. Someone that is my best friend wouldn't hurt either. . Where in the world would I find someone like this? I don’t know; but my inner being knows; and God knows and the universe knows. . So; Im kind of on that search and discovery process right now. . . So; Back to the meeting; it was an exquisite meeting. And lifted my spirits through the roof; My God; it flipped everything over to the positive… incredible. Never in my life did I expect this to happen. Its like Gods hands just through a giant light of the spirit from outer space; right into the middle of our gathering. Now Im super stoked. Incredible. . Ive got like one more meeting to bring up some other internalized secrets concerning dating; Mainly that I have no confidence in myself concerning women and dating. All I can do is take a chance and ask women; ask them for what I want… I have no idea of the outcome. . I will continue to gather more people I can call on as part of my dating support group… Its just starting; I have many many days of experience ahead dealing with women and getting support… learning how to interact with women again and dating again and having a girlfriend… |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Thu Jul 17, 2025 4:19 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Im a recovery person |
New Identity; Very simple. . Im a recovery person; . I live in a little recovery apartment; I have my plastic model kits I have my mountain bike I attend recovery meetings I have a recovery sponsor… I have a higher power Im on permanent mental disability… Ive had problems in the past with substance abuse; Enough; not to be a visitor to the meetings but a member; But just barely; but still enough! Dual diagnosed with addictions and mental problems. Allot more on the “ Mental problems” side of things; but I still abused substances for relief… . I go from here… forward; and learn a new design for living. I use allot of the words and thoughts and phrasing and ideas and wisdom from other members; I use the books associated with the recovery fellowships I attend to learn how to live again in a practical day to day way within this simple life style. It is what it is… . . Note; its from this platform of recovery that I excel back into regular life. Im not trying to “ Take a little time off from regular life”; to find myself in the recovery process; recover for 2 weeks and claim Im back to middle class life or job or something; That does not work for me. And its not a true statement. The trust is; Im in the recovery life identity for life; as life; this is my foundation; and it is where I start from. I don’t get to claim Im a big business man or lawyer or vise president of the Bank… and Im just taking a break for a few months. . When I talk to people; I tell them the truth; I live a very simple recovery life style. And I have mental problems that do not go away. It makes life hard to be in reality on a daily basis. . I have problems with people stalking me in the 12 meetings that I have to take care of. I don’t want to; but I have to face these problems. Im praying about it right now! . I have support for my general recovery. I haven't been to therapists in a long time; However; from the trails of everyday life and dealing with stalkers; Ive been suicidal for the last several months; and I havent known how to fix any of this yet! |
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