Women;
Dating women…
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Talking to women…
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That is the problem…
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I look back at women I liked when young and I wanted to talk to but I couldn’t. No connection ever really happened. No one really ever valued me enough to even notice me; I was invisible. At some point I just walked away.
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I had no mother; so that whole thing was destroyed and I am a bit strangely emptied because of it… I don’t know. Im bashful around women. I don’t know how to trust anyone…
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I don’t know how to talk to anyone. But talking to women is what I wanted to do when I was much younger.
Now I want to talk to women about the women I couldn’t talk to when young; actually; I want to talk to women now about the things I wanted to talk to women about when I was younger.
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Im still that broken person.. but I feel better; more healed; better…
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I still; I havent really talked to anyone since childhood. And even those people were not my friends; they were faking it… But I was still able to believe they were my friends so I opened up about things.
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Today; I would like women to talk to about things; just as I wanted to talk to them years ago… but no one was interested in me… \
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Now; Im working with God that maybe God can bring the right people that might be interested in me.
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THE MEETING:
I opened up tonight about some things… I talked about being SUGAR WIDOW’D; This is my wording for a man thats meeting the perfect women when hes younger; and can never really find anyone as good as that women who can measure up. Its like being spoiled by to much sugar… And now no one is sweat enough anymore… Got spoiled. However; Hold on; there is hope. Going Down energy river far enough; starts me over in my lifes journey as if I was never spoiled; so I get to do this again; live my life… under God! Energy river is a spirit river under God Jesus Universe Holy spiritus…
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The key is; I talked about many things tonight and got a chance to talk to one guy after the meeting; personally about this women dating stuff; past Sugar Widow’d sitaution. This means Im opening up about the past because its past tense in many respects. Im not living in the past Im connecting to the present and wanting to talk about the dysfunction of the past and how to fix those things that are still dysfunctional now in the present that I never got answers for in the past. And this is good…
This means; In the past I was specifically messed up. However; because I never fixed any of these problems. I specifically messed up in the present just like in the past; same problems; However; today because Im in the present; Im looking for answers for these problems!@
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WORKING WITH GOD;
At this point its about cropping up new relationships in my imagination; Imagining Im working with God. And God is creating new people for me; new relationship out of the energy of God and they appear and talk with them. And with enough time; they start to show up in front of me as real people; If I began to believe in my imagination that what Im creating in my imagination is real.
In my imagination;
Im sitting with God in the backyard of a house that is safe; on the grass in a small town… The Angels are there; Jesus is there; the universe is looking overhead. The Holy Spirit is present…
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I imagine God overhead; Jesus; With hands out; is sending energy into the circle; a circle made by Angels who are sending energy from their hearts n minds into the circle. The Holy spirit is walking into the center of the circle. And is the guiding center. God is overhead watching an sending in God energy; All energy is from Universe God…
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And from this energy sends forth within the circle; forms are appearing. And slowly the concept of Helper and Friend are appearing. The shape of a girl…
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Im a child in this scenario; on a bench sitting up against the back of the house with my NEW parents; God has given me; and Im watching. And I can feel it; ...
[ Continued ]