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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1751)
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- March 2024
A gift from God #2
   Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

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A gift from God #2

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm

Next move forward…
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So; Im showing signs of accepting that the past is gone; That I was in the wrong; I self invited myself into the lives of many people who where never asking for my presence. These people did not know me; never asked to meet me; had no clue I existed; were not reaching out to the universe to meeting me; As for as I know; After dealing with them; I doubt it.
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I simply walked into the arena of other peoples lives and made up a narrative as I went along; I was delusional and mentally ill and many other things. Of course; the innocence of my age is part of this.
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On there side; they played it into the ground; They knew what I was doing but had no conscious about letting it develop. I was trying to create friendships with them; They were not interested in me or my friendships with them. For the women involved; no attraction; in fact; I imagine its more repulsion. As for the guys; I thought I was bonding with them as a best friend getting closer then a brother; Nothing could be further from the truth. No one there was interested in being my friend; they thought I was scum trash and they were way way superior from the start. They only allowed me around them for very contrived reasons I knew nothing about. Mainly their parents wanted another guy around them so they would not grow up alone; The parents wanted their kids socialized and because I lived in the area; I was a good bet to use. And USED I was; and fooled and that was all. I had no idea they were being nice to me and playing me as long as I hung around their kid. But as soon as I hit a certain age; meaning their kid hit a certain age; they were no longer interested in having their kid around someone to be socialized; suddenly everything kind of changed and started to get worse for me. It kind of creep’d in on all sides; what they really thought of me. It wont be until Im later in high school age that things will start to unravel. I wont find out that these people were never friends of mine.
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Anyway.
I have enough information on all of this to see the truth. Their was no one interested in me or my friendship; No one attracted to me or interested any romantic relationships ( The young women); And these young women were never interested in any kind of friendship or any type of relationships or situation -ship or introduction-ship. I meant nothing to them the first time they saw me until the last time they saw me.
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Heres the deal; No one ever came to me to start an association. I was simply a stranger that showed up at their door step many times for various reasons but never by their invitation.
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“ You win some; you lose some”.
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They had no attraction for me at any level ever.. So; I really had no right being around them. I mean; They never came around me. Someone else always got me to them; to their house; to their lives. Im not sure they ever did anything other then act cordial with basic hospitality. I may have miss read everything. Because looking back; no one ever made any gestures of interest toward me for any reason. I would show up at someones house; The people in the house were nice; they are pleasant; I was a guest. They might offer me a coke. And that was that. I was never more then a guest for very short increments. And that's all. Looking back; they were cordial when I was a guest and so not much to say accept thats as far as anything really existed. I was extremely mentally ill and dissociated from reality and really created a bunch of stuff in my head about strangers that never happened and never existed..
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So.
WHERE AM I AT NOW.
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Well; Im showing real progress and enthusiasms of moving forward. However; Altho Im basically over the past on things; It doesn’t mean I don’t feel the loss of not ever having a real past as I move forward.
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I can feel the grief of never really having a younger life; it was snuffed out by the time I was in 5th grade a...

[ Continued ]

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The Gift from God…

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm

Stabilization; Going to my Home again…
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When I was very young and lived in a neighborhood; I had a certain kind of life built up; it was basically private; I kept it to myself; Somewhere between 4 ½ to 9 years old.. I would have continued if I not been thrown away…
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Think of a Christmas show; How a child feels when their watching a Christmas show…
That feeling of fantasy… or being; or being in that moment.. How that feels…
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The few years I had as a small child; I built a network for myself… A little one; out in the neighborhood I lived in… I loved my life for a few years when young.
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After brutal amount of years of recovery work of all sorts. I woke up this morning and felt it. It felt the same way for me.. I felt I could return to that neighborhood and probably walk around and feel the same way… And that is what Ive been working for all this time; to come back to myself before others got in the way and tried to separate myself from myself and God…
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I felt it when I woke up; It was authentic; and In my imagination I could see myself as that little kid; me being myself again. No blocks… Nothing… As if I had come back to myself. Considering the amount of work guidance and instruction from the recovery process; I earned it. Its real. I got what I earned. And Ive been working with the universe God Jesus On this for a long time…
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Its a gift for following Jesus… Its a gift for trusting God. Its a gift for turning to the Universe for help. This is how the Universe gives gifts. The Universe gives me myself back from when I was very young.
Now that Im back to this point; What ever that means; I wont ever go backward. No one can take it from me. I earned it on a giant traversing trail thrust in the middle of a journey from where I was at to back under Gods care; Gods Pathway…
I was told by God to let go of all things and I shall enter beneath Gods care again; as I was when I was a boy; I said yes; I will try. And with Gods help; it has happened. Everything is gone… The only thing that remains is my relationship with God and my full bright beginning life as a child before the dark horrors came…
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So; Under God; I am able to enter Gods city again; the city of the inner child… Im centered back now…
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What does this mean. I don’t know yet! Its like saying; Im able to feel like Im me again in my old neighborhood; I have my sense back like I did in my old neighborhood. Im back. I can imagine Im walking around in my old neighborhood; but what does it mean. And it means Im myself again restored feeling wize. Ive still got my pych problems; but the other side of me; the emotional side.. The side where I own me; where Im me again; innocent under God… Me again; feeling safe to remember my dreams. Not there yet… However, getting their…
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What does the future hold. Ive been working for many things for a years and years and this was one of them. To be able to imagine I walk my old neighborhood and Im me again while walking the neighborhood. Like Im back with an old friend on to sides; Im my old friend and my neighborhood is my old friend. Getting myself back again…
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Where do I go from here.
First; Pray meditation. Start writing goals I always wanted to accomplish when I was a boy..
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GOD Pathway….
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I guess; experience on a daily basis what this all means and go with it; start living again like when I was young?? What does that mean; I will let the spirit of God lead me.
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Amen
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2 goals; elements of accomplishment

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm

2 goals accomplished;
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A. Getting over First Love
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B. Taking back ownership of my Art creating interests… This includes; writing, Art, music….
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This has been accomplished…
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Where do I go from here;
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God Pathway;
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Work Ethic is Needed Please

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am

Hard; Maybe Really; But not impossible…..
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Ive spent 2 years diligently working on dealing with relationships from the past that swamped me. Ive worked on it; almost numerous times during the waking hour of everyday; and Pause) And With Gods help; Conquered it. What does that mean. Well; For those in the past; As God has told me “ They aren't my friends. Stay away from them” Said the Universe! Because; that's been the problem the whole time. I was associating with people who were never my friends. My Goal was to make a friend; start with that. I lost direction of my own purpose and got caught up in things. I forgot; the main first goal and the most important goal was to make a friend first. In the end; I was trying to make friends with people who were not my friends and never wanted to be and never could be and never would be and would never know why they would want to be. They were repulsed by me. I kept choosing people to be my friends who did not want to be my friends…


The problem;
Did God send those people who did not want to be my friends; NO! But God might send me to a God Pathway when I got home. God would want me turning around from those people that were not my friends and walk away from them immediately; run away as fast as possible. Get out of there; Go home; start over. Dont spend a second on those creeps. God has said; Not only “ They are not my friends” “ He also said; “ don’t go near them anymore”…. These are 2 very valuable individual statements… Statements of learning to respect danger and respect evil; respect it enough to stay away from it…
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The first statement; “ They are not my friends”; This would suggest trouble. It suggests Ill continue to have problem with that person; it will never stop. It suggests this person cannot be friends with me; they are neither called or are attracted to nor are they interested in being my friend; nor are they appreciative of my friendship or my inner being. If the person is not interested in me: What am I doing around them. This statement also suggests my future; For I shall never have one with this person. The last part of the statement suggest something different; it suggests I separate from this person; that there is danger; Meaning danger to my health if I continue to be around them for any reason; something bad will happen. Something bad will happen immediately; Why? Because they are not my friends. When I hang out with people who are not my friends; bad things can happen; bad things happen. IF they are not my friends; come out from among them and be on my way. Do not linger in uncharted waters….
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I thought I could make someone into a friend. I cant develop something that doesn’t exist. That's why not everyone is suppose to be close with each other.. Only certain people… I was finding the wrong people for my inner circle and I was being betrayed and destroyed because of it.
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Ive gotten the message now.. Stay away from people who are not my friends.
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Tonight had an insight thrown at me that turned my head. I really thought about this. I was talking to someone about going to meetings all the time and then going home with no life in between; How I needed to get a life.
And then we were talking about working through past old relationships. And something slipped out as I was talking… I said; “ I could have been married all my life; since my 20’s. ( paused)That shocked me.
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I thought; “ What did I say”? I said; I could have been married all my life since the age of 20 if I wanted to. I did not suggest I couldn’t be married; I suggested; I could be married if I wanted to be. I had to stop and really think hard about this one…
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Ive claimed all my life it was impossible for me to be in any relationships; Is that true… because tonight I suggested I didn’t want to be. It suggested I could if I wanted to be.
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The road i...

[ Continued ]

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Some Solutions; Lot of Hope

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

Delusional Thinking...
Well; Ive been working on this for a long while. This is associated with past people I had delusional thinking concerning; where I was interested in them but they seemed to not have the same interest...
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God has let me know that.. From their perspective " Dont go there" That is the answer the universe gave me... Dont go there... Meaning; Its not a matter of who may have liked me or not; Those people were never suppose to be in my radar in the first place; EVER!~
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I was never suppose to meet them in the first place. What does that mean. Its not that Im just a victim or something; I was; But what it means is; I was victimizing myself because I was going down the wrong pathway into someone else private life that had no knowledge I was going to show up around them; and they never asked for me to show up around them; they never thought about it or wanted me to show up around them. I was not suppose to go there!
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Its not about the other person. ITs about the whole view of this denial. This delusional denial.
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How do I say this; Its like looking at a bunch of red flags that say; DONT GO HERE! And this long before I take the first steps forward. No one had invited me.
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Its like going up a hill to a neighborhood Ive never seen before; Its like knocking on a door of a strangers house who is having success and a successful party in the backyard and I lie to get in and crash the party. And then I get mad when I get thrown out.
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Im not suppose to get mad at being thrown out. I was never suppose to go their in the first place; or even think about going into that neighborhood in the first place. I was never suppose to think their was anything in that neighborhood. However; God resently added a new twist; " I was never suppose to know about a neighborhood to go into...
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Here is another view of this... I asked God about certain people of my past; Ive been working with God for a long time on this... Finally an interesting thought. How could I like these people; How could I; if they didn't have my basic values... ANd the answer was; From God was; ITs the other way around. THey would not have had any interest in me! And thus; would have never been thinking about me... ever!~ THey would not have missed someone they would have never had a reason to meet. So; when I take full responsibility for ever starting this project in the first place; its all placed back on me. I was never suppose to start a process that would include these people in the first place. MY God! they never asked to know me; They had their own lives... They will live fine without ever meeting me. They were never suppose to meet me!
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What does this mean; It means I started it; I started this problem. When I work with God for an understanding of closure; I never needed the actual person( those that rejected me)back in my life to finish this; I was able to work with techniques and GOd and support groups to finish this. In a real way; I finish this because I started this... No one else started this; this whole thing Got started out of my imagination or compulsion. No one else is going to finish it and put a stop to it but me... I involved strangers that never asked to be a part of this..
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I knew if I kept at it Id get the answer Im looking for. And I got it... And it was an interesting answer. And it had nothing to do wtih the other person... Perfect; it was hard to acquire and it was very difficult to get to this point; It took tremendous amount of work... The answer was not easy; but do able and OKE...
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THe answer was not personal. I was never suppose to start this process toward including strangers in the first place...
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I am free to pursue My direction of my values now!
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And; what I really wanted; was to be set free onto my own basic pathway... God pathway.
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And I knew Id be in the bowling league level not...

[ Continued ]

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