Starting to show First Signs of breaking away from individuals of the past.
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This needed to be written and put into a blog.
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Finally concerning those I want relationships so badly from when young; Those worthless creeps I tried to get love and kindness from. Finally; My God; with Gods help; Finally its happening; Im showing authentic signs and of breaking away…
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In many cases concerning those from the past I wanted relationships with; Many of them; I ended up at their homes and all things played out in their homes. The problem was; I was escaping the home I came from; But the only escape I had was these new people and their homes. I was using them as a hospital for my problems my need of a family and hope and love. I wanted them to love me and help me.. And help me grow up and to be taken care of.
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Unfortunately; The reason their doors were open was not because they were loving and giving; Their doors were open to entrap broken people like myself.. They were 10% human if that… More sycophant then anything else; horrid examples of the human experience. Disgusting people; These are people that hated me; had no feeling for me; used me; tricked me; lied to me pathologically. They were not my friends; never wanted to be my friends. IT was fun n games for them to lead me around in circles.
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I did not understand; I was just looking for help and I become completely dependent on them.
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Finally; with Gods help after all these years and allot of work. Im finally saw myself in other places with them other then their home. Im looking back at my memories and Im seeing them in the schools I attended; I walked the halls with some of them; And a few hours ago; a thought came to me. If they were such disgusting people who had no value for me. I thought; why am I walking with them; what would it take to get away from them at that time, at that moment in the school system; And it came to me. Id start drawing footsteps walking away from them and getting real help for my problems.
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Suddenly it came to me. I Was around these people because I had real problems and needed real help and I went to them. They could not help me and they didn’t care either way. Finally, Im now seeing myself break away from these sociopaths; walking away; walking into the offices of those that can help me; or could have helped me.
Im taking responsibility back for my own life and my own good and my own preservation. Why would I need these other flake weirdo's who cared nothing for me. Why would I need to hang around them when Im learning or have learned and practiced in my imagination to walk away from them and get the help I need; the help I thought those flakes were going to help me with.
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I saw myself take responsibility and just walk away from these scumbags and walk strait into the worlds of those who could help me with no regrets from never seeing those weirdo’s I put my worth into… I can say goodbye to them for good. But not yet.
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I still need more answers. Gods got to rescue me from their homes; all the time I spent at their homes; I have no escape from those places. No place to run to… I need or want a place to go get help; where I don’t need to be at their homes.
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Just now; I saw myself get a ride in a car from their house to a down Town agency dealing with help for mental health issues. Saw this in my imagination.
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Again; Im beginning to see myself take action and accountability for my problems and take responsible action to walk away from those scumbags who've had such power over my life for such a long time.
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What ever I thought I needed from them. I can now see I can go get help and get all that I need from places that offer help. I get the help because not only am I worth it; but I bi pass the people in houses up the street and go strait into the city and take responsibility for getting real help for my problems… Never having to remember those idiot degenerates eve...
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