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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1029)
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- December 2019
Vile hatred and anger.
   Thu Dec 12, 2019 4:18 pm
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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In the middle of transition!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Sep 08, 2018 3:47 pm

Im truly in the middle of some kind of transition! Ive not arrived yet!
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I watched cartoons when a child; and then was thrown out into the world; the only world I knew; watching cartoons in front of a TV set! When I was stripped of my life and thrown away; I went into shock! The shock led to the foundations of mental illness that had already been established when very young! I become mentally ill and at the same time being destroyed out in the environment of creatures trying to survive! Then I got worse; non functioning; put on social security; found myself in 12 step groups! And Now I want to leave and go back out into the world!
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The reason I want to leave the recovery world is because theirs nothing their but the recovery world!
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I want my life back; occupations and relationships! I dont know how Im going to get them or have a family; I dont know! Im scared of the outside world and its treachery; However, having no life is just as bad!
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The problem is; Im so sensitive to the outside world and I never grew past base level poverty!
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Safety is what Ive always wanted and needed but dont have! Money creates safety! haven't have it! and no one cares!
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So; being around the right people and creating a life for myself is the direction Im interested in!
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I see others living; Im not! They seem spoiled to me! Things they have I dont have!
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Life is hard for me with this disability!
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Im to scared to approach anyone; I dont trust them!
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Im not invited into the inner circles of better people because I have no money!
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Im not sure what to do! work with God and the universe!
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What do I want? This is a hard question! I want the ability to have a solid life that no one can take from me! I thought money could fix this! I would like a fix to the relationship problems! and love life problems and sex problems! Sex is a problem because I cant deal with a women from the time I meet her to the time she is in my bed; something wrong; possibly a control issue on my part! I dont want to get hurt; I dont want to hurt others@ !

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What would be perfect; having the perfect Asian-soulmate!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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