April 2024
March 2024
Ive done allot of writing in a short time; but its really helped and ive moved forward.
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Im now officially playing guitar the right way. meaning; seriously inline with the right way to play and study; Im only a beginner but I have the right work ethic mentality about it. I see myself as a guitarist. its great... It doesn't have to mean more then that. its a real part of the natural part of who I am. Ive moved through different instruments of interest; Now; its officially guitar; so this should be an interesting journey.
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Whats important; The work ethic to learn skills. My God; Im interested in learning skills; Im on disability because my situation was so bad it was like schizophrenia . For years and years theorists had to ask me if anyone was really their who I was talking to or had a problem with; many times no one had ever talked to me I just thought they did because I talked to them dissociatively in my head and did not know if I was talking to someone in my head or in the real world because I did not know the difference between the real world and what I was imagining; I did not know I was going to my head; when I dissociated into my head I thought I was talking to someone in the real world; I did not know I was inside my head the whole time and had never been outside at all. I didnt know. And that is the true nature of several PTSD and mind or brain damage.. .It shucks; I spent a good part of my life like this... my later 20,30,40, early 50's; sucked.. For many years it was really bad...
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So; One of my goals years ago... to be able to do something real in the real world... and thus I set a plan of intention; and later studied success based information on this subject that guided me and educated me on how to be successful with my intentions...
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Im now practicing hard stuff; And Im doing great; Im doing with a professional attitude and that means successful attitude that can lead only to success; and Ive earned it and its great...
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OKE: Im a basic beginning guitarist; So; I know a few chords and for the last month and months; Ive been able to play a few bar chords on the acoustic...
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The goal is to write a song with lyrics and melody and guitar and play it live.
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So; I must practice the guitar song and chords. However, some are 2 hard for me right now. So; Im breaking them down into basics of basics and playing them with metronome very very slowly... learning how to form my hands and move from one shape to the other and breaking that down to fingers on strings; maybe one finger on 2 strings and practicing that; very intricate; and Im doing it daily... and Im OK and happy with this work ethic because I cant go wrong. the work ethic is freeing me. And Im willing and willing to fight for what I want... and its working. Im playing the guitar in ways that are broken down into many pieces for practice... and its all going to work out; it will take time; take what time it takes; OKE... No problem. What ever; this is what it really looks like. So; Im working at it. and thus the whole experience feels like a guy who is building skills for a job. So; it doesn't just feel like Im working; it really feels like Im working... I mean; it feels like what someone who is ambitious and young and goes after what they want in the real world; they build skills and develop... independently; and that is exactly what Im doing; Im showing signs of independence and its great.
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Im keep at this work; the work is; breaking down all guitar parts and making sure all strings are sounded and not muted accidentally. Being able to play the song at a reasonable temple. Also; to break down and write out the melody... singing it slowly one note at a time... and writing out the words done correctly and methodically; thought out and with a finished understanding and meaning... something others can relate to... Then adding the words to the melody while Im humming it thus memorizing the words with the melody; and at some point; putting it all together with the metronome slowly; and and slowly picking up the space until up to speed but solid. This include practicing voice everyday; and I know how to do this; to exercise the voice... And at some point playing it live in front of one of my groups... And ive already taken my guitar into the rooms and practiced singing and playing in front of others; so it is becoming a performance exercise and thats what this is all about; creating something and performing it. The performance is most number one of importance... Im not creating something to shove into my computer onto a music community site where it sits on a cyber shelf never heard but by others on the site. my musical goals are about performing live and creating music for just that occasion...
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Ive thought about DJ/Producer stuff; we will see. Looks cool to see other famous DJ's doing their thing. I dont know...
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But; right from the start; its about performance first... All things head toward performance.
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Women;
Im letting go of the women at the meetings. It must have been a learning experience to get me to the next level. and thats all it was; it crumbled into nothing from the beginning. and was trouble from ever angle if I was ever involved within a 100 miles...
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A women from several years back. I realize now she was my Asian soulmate and I would have married her; and I had twice to do so; to hook up with her but never took the opportunity either me. lll; start over from that place. right after this episode of choosing not to go with her. Ill start back their and continue with my goal of Asian soulmate; Ill forget or let the last couple of years go; I was off angled onto something bizarre and that has been corrected; and Im now getting back on track again with Asian soulmate.
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Heres the deal about women;
Ive met women attracted to me that liked me; but it seems all of them; they simply moved on to other men if their was a problem; They didnt or ever missed me; but I missed them... I mean; God sent them. And God sent me. But in the end; they had no problem moving on if their was trouble or problems; and they forget all about me like I was not valuable; but I valued them; I did not forget them or my feelings for them. I valued them to start with it was not just about my feelings; I valued them... but it seems they never valued me.
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I thought about them and what they meant to me; they meant to me now as much as they meant to me when I met them; and 6 months or a year will go by; I would miss them because I loved them. But did they miss me. NO! not all all...
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SO;' Im asking God for a better quality people to deal with; something is wrong; I miss them and valued them; they did not value me or miss me. If they never saw me again; it meant nothing to them; but it meant everything to me because I loved them and valued them.. but they did not love me or value me; they let go of their love for me and moved on; to quickly they moved on as if their love for me meant nothing. In fact; Im shocked how women love or dont love. They dont seem to love me... they are interested in me and attracted to me. And appear to have that special quality of soulmate; but later they are able to have convenience loyalty... I mean; they change hats... they are no longer interested in me; they bury their feelings for me and move on to a new crop of guys; and they bury their hearts toward me as if I never existed. I dont do this... If God put something on my heart for someone; it stays... I dont understand.
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So; Im asking God for the right kind of people to be around me that value me. I think Ive been around the wrong people; So; the work is learning how to attract people that really value me and no less. If I miss them after a year; they miss my qualities after a year... SO; Im talking about women that are safe who have quality≥. Not Equality...
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So; Ill be working on that; and what does that mean. It means I have to become the kind of person Im looking for; it means getting over my hatred and anger from the past and letting down the draw bridge to allow maidens into my castle..
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