My life was cut off when young; about 5th grade; and everything else is blank after this; its not that I don't remember it; but its all outside my body. Its de personalization; all of it. So; no development; its like I was kidnapped; my life was kidnapped.
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So; what do I do; thats the big problem; no family; where do I go to be apart of something in the present; what family; So; I have to turn to the universe for help to bring me a new group of people I want to be around and develop.
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This is a real hard thing for me; this area.
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I end up at bad places because of loneliness. I get around crude people that don't like me!
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On the other hand; expecting stuck up people from rich families to like me is just as bad or worse; they dont need me and dont want me either.
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Im not sure where I fit in; Im so insecure in this area. I have to work with God to find a place for myself on this planet.
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My mind is dissociated in this area or time period of adolescence; I have no experiences; my mind was closed off. Now; Im lost; I want to be apart of things; have a decent life; I have to see it in my mind first.
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I have to see it in my mind first; thats the problem.
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I have to trust God; work with the universe. ITs scary to go back into this time period. It would not be so bad if I was in a safe space.