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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1025)
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- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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Im sick, damaged, and need help!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Mar 19, 2017 7:54 am

Im sick, damaged, and need help! Where do I get the help from!

Im learning to rely on God! and that is exactly what it is! Im willing to learn how to live in the spirit realm and not reality! Im learning how to prefer to live in my imagination!

And Im slowly remembering my early early childhood of development! I had some feelings and thoughts of independence at the time! Im not torn up like I am now!

I need help; help from others social! social contact! When near others, I have to turn on the spiritual side and stay in that spirit world when dealing with others! The gaol is attracting others!

Ive been having some success attracting others! What does this mean! it means I leave it up to God and the world of the imagination and the laws of attraction! and its working!

Im sick; my mind is weak and warped and messed up! its weak; Im very dissociatively weak! A part of me is somewhere else, not present or home; a desperate separated child within me! and Im attempting to bring this child back into reality with me! fused back together!

My childhood was a brutal nightmare! It was a set up! I was to young to know I was being set up! I thought everything was oK! However, past the first grade, everything started to drop off! the reason for this drop off; neglect! pure neglect! pathological neglect! brutal and complete! soon, I would start to falter in every area! I had no development or growth!

Now, I seek interactions with others! its very hard to face to face with people! I don't like people that treat me less then what Im worth! I hate being around them!

I hate allot of things I have to do in order to become a human being again! Im willing to take the chances to do it! Im working on it!

Dealing with women is not easy! no confidence; but I got to do it anyway! thats the problem! and you think if only someone would help me; I could get my confidence! but you are to shy to ask anyone for help! Im sure they would help! its so humiliating to be at this level of social ineptness! Its horrible! you feel like a second class inferior within a group of people!

As for women; you have to look at them, get eye contact! and you also, have to wave at them and say hello or go over to them and say hello, or stand by them and talk, or do something! say hi to them when you first see them!

I know women that wont say hi to you at first! they ignore you; you have to wait and say hi to them again because they are defensive!

So, I have to learn social , all over again! I have to trust God that he's got me in the right place and Im living my future!

I asked God for a future and first, he has to help me get well; therefore, he must take me to places to get well! and Im doing that! and its scary and hard! its scary to admit my whole life was ruined! and Im slowly coming back from it! its hard to admit this happening!

I have another life building! meaning a new one! I have to work through the nightmares of the old one! those nightmares are like a scary movie you watch on TV where everyone is destroyed! you get to go to bed after turning off the TV set! Not me! Im one of the characters in the movie! you dont get to turn it off! the de humanization and in human treatment! you never forget that! it stays with you through PTSD!

Sometimes I know I connect with a girl; women! I know I do, at the deepest level; but Im with God; Im aligned with source energy! the energy of God! On my knees to God! and spending hours a day on God! and many women when hearing this; they clear out! they dont come back! I guess they want me aligned with them; no way! they can talk to God, and God can align both of us together!

My dream life is still possible! altho, Ive had many years taken from me!

In order for me to get better, I have to keep connecting with other face to face, and share my feelings with others! its that simple; be present! take chances saying hello to others! people I might think will reject me because I think they think they are to good for me!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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