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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Im scared; Im waking up!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Nov 15, 2015 12:49 am

Im really scared; Ive been here before! When I tied to wake up in the past and no one was their for me and I was all alone! Completely! And this happened several times and I was in other cities where I was alone with no one, day after day, month after month, year after year! And no one! Until I went insane!
Im waking up again! This time; I have state help and a place to live and food help! And clothing! I have 12 step groups lots of them and counseling and psych groups! And God and cool places like this to write my feeling out and possibly help out by answering to others posts! I primarily like blogging though!

I blog on several different sites!

Im about to go to a 12 step Harvest Dinner thing! Those women bring about 1000 different dishes of all kinds of goodies! Its like nothing you can imagine! Its like 35 different types of turkey dinner combinations!

Today, I bring something myself; Im bringing a pumpkin pie! In the old days; I just could not! I could not participate! I could show up! That was about all!

So, I have events to go to!

Women;

Im a nice guy! And I think I need to find other places with nice people! The people I meet; they are so cool, they don't see me! I mean nothing to them! And they want nothing to do with me! They are looking for social status! And Im not that!

Im not sure what this means!

I know that women have a hard time of it! I know that men have no real idea of just how hard it is for them! I know because of what Ive read about it! And Ive learned a few things! Like; safety is the most important thing to a women! For a man; I can go anywhere! And I can fight! For women; it's a different story!

Anyway! The problem I have is; women are looking for a man to take care of himself and her! And I simply am not able to take care of her! I cant!

Most of the women Ive met don't want me! I have to many problems and insecurities! Im either to aggressive or to weak!

Im a decent person; Im not weak or strong! Iim in the middle! Its called decency! And people with decency do not need to judge according to weak or strong!

Ill have to talk to God about it!

Im not interested in women that have to have all this status and control!

IT seems Im lucky as I wake up! At least I have something! But I don't have any personal relationships!

Im still to ripped apart!

As for women! They are not looking for someone like me! I Think they are looking for someone with money that will take care of them!

Ive fooled a few women into believing Im one of those " confident middle class solid money holders"! But Im not!

Most women; after a while, when they realize Im no more fun or interesting; they simply write me of as a weakling, treat me with a kind of superior contempt and go on their way! I have no answers for this!

ITs attraction; not promotion!
Im afraid the person they see on the outside is not the person I am on the inside! I must be around people that are interested in me on the inside!

A truck driven country boy; I guess I am at heart! But in reality, Im a nerd artist intellectual type! Yet, I haven't had a chance to use it or develop it; mental illness has gotten in the way!

So, the women's thing is scary because of the emotions needed!

Im very confused! I think I need to go to other places to meet knew people! Intellectual places!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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