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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Im still to young
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Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
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A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
   Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:44 pm
She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

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Im ready to fall in love with someone

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon May 14, 2018 12:33 am

Im ready to fall in love with someone! Im falling in love with myself; Im doing really good! ITs hard; I remember what things were like! Now; I must remember; those are PTSD memories and they are a lie; the bad stuff! I did not do that to myself! I was underage and someone put me in un-compromise positions! So, I have to give myself a break!
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Im ready to fall in love with someone. However, I align with the grid, the vortex and source first! My focus is on the vortex and my manifestations in the vortex! She is coming from the vortex; so, I concentrate on whats in the vortex and wait for her to step out of it! source energy directs me; the grid fills it out like paper work; what Is to happen; what Im feeling about it; and want to happen!
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Problems; jumping the gun!
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Im dissociative and think all the time of whats going on outside of me; and I'm feeling what I think of what I see, all the time! I think the other person must know how I feel! they must; Im open with my feeling within my mind and brain; its open! In reality, its not open to the outside world; they know nothing; In reality; its outside my mind; but still in my brain; floating around behind my eyes!
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At times; I think others know how I feel! If I see a women I like and Ive been thinking about her for a long time; its as if a relationship with her has actually been growing; so, when I see her and ask her out; I act like we she be moving forward since I've been working her out in my mind; then Im stunned when I find out she does not know anything about me or how I feel! I have to slowly back track and show her each feelings as if Ive never thought about it and its bran new! and Ive done this a bit!
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With women; its who them or they will have no clue; they are not mind readers! and this is especially tuff on me!
Im learning that I have to make a commitment with a women; meaning, I have to have a committed relationship concept before I get involved or a relationship will never work!
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Im horrified of having relationships with the wrong people; and Im more scared of having relationships with the right people; because; the right people turn out to be the wrong people! However, in reality, Im talking about situations when I was younger and had no control over things! I was forced or stuck around the wrong predators!
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So, no matter what direction I take with relationships; Im taking a chance; Im taking a chance to get started again! I either do or I dont!
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Its all so new to me; its been so very long since the last time I actually loved someone enough to want to go after them!
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I fell in love with them after chasing them; I chased them because they were the right natural person to chase and feel something for!
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Strike three; your out! I dont play games with the wrong women; I test, I watch! I listen! If your interested in me and not responding; I will question the situation; If I feel manipulation is hovering; Strike one! I look up to the universe and expect an answer, and I ply a question; "why universe" " whats with this girl you sent me" " she's flaking out on me" " what gives?" Strike one against the universe! For the universe sent her and something is not matching up! Any strikes beyond this means its over! Ive never had a women I stuck twice on that did not soon get three strikes your out! " Universe, she's struck out; bring another one please" " can you make it work this time?".

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I want women sent from the universe and no others; and I get confused at times or mistake certain women for universe women! And when I realize Ive made a mistake; I kindly and humbly admit that I made a mistake looking at this women with interest; and I quietly back out the way I came with my hate laid low, then, when near out of side; I turn down a new road and begin to walk; and I dont stop walking until the universe brings me another women!
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I have to make a lot of changes to have the kind of women I want to attract! And this is humbling!
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When I rise to the frequency of what Im looking for; she will come!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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