Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1750)
Archives
- March 2024
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

+ February 2024
+ January 2024
+ December 2023
+ November 2023
+ October 2023
+ September 2023
+ August 2023
+ July 2023
+ June 2023
+ May 2023
+ April 2023
+ March 2023
+ February 2023
+ January 2023
+ December 2022
+ November 2022
+ October 2022
+ September 2022
+ August 2022
+ July 2022
+ June 2022
+ May 2022
+ April 2022
+ March 2022
+ February 2022
+ January 2022
+ December 2021
+ November 2021
+ October 2021
+ September 2021
+ August 2021
+ July 2021
+ June 2021
+ May 2021
+ April 2021
+ March 2021
+ February 2021
+ January 2021
+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Im in new territory!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Jul 10, 2013 4:59 am

The girls from the meeting are making me stay awake..

My dissociative disorder is getting disordered.

So, the sister that I thought liked me, then didn't like me, turns things around, yet avoids me and runs away from me, then later, I sit close to her at a meeting, and she stares at me as I sit.. She likes me. However, what does that mean. does that mean she has a boy friend. I don't know. Im so paranoid... Ive been told that Im working through my junior high years with women. I get crushes and don't know what to do. I certainly freak when Im out in the parking lot and the girl I have interest in is 30 feet away. Im scared to death, that if I approach her she will leave thinking Im a stalker. Its horrible. I have to keep working on all of this and learn to accept that many people will come and go before I get better or well enough for complete interaction.

( THe new girl at the meetings) One of the sisters, the older!
At the meeting she is chairing, I ignore her as usual, I sit at a far area of the room. A desk is in the corner, I get my art work out and start drawing. Next thing I now, she is standing in front of me and tells me she has come to see my art work like she had mentioned weeks ago.

I looked at her like " what are you doing here and what do you want"! I did not want games.. I flashed some pictures at her and told her we were done.. She left a bit mad and sat down. I assumed she was done with me!
Her sister starts talking and I pay attention, I liked what she had to say!

Out of the corner of my eye the first sister turned her head towards me a mile a minute from the far desk to see if Im looking at her; at that moment Ive been looking at her sister!

Her younger sister stares at me while Im staring at her while she is talking, and she starts staring back and smiling with no breaks...

They both seem to like me! Now what! This is all I can take!

At the end of the meeting, the second sister( younger) jumps to the other side of the room where I am about to stand up, I stand up, walk over and this sister is right next to me. I put my arm around her for the closing.
This sister starts to squirm when the closing is over, and runs away, she then turns towards me, with a strange avoidance dance, especially moving her head and hips... She is so young, Ive almost forgot about this dance..

I see God in this! possibly for many of us playing this game... I certainly am going to learn to deal with these 2 sisters. I do not know if they really want me or a date from me or like me. I know nothing! Im not sure if they are single. The great thing is at some point, I hope to get close enough to ask them! They are both cute girls... And the asking part is part of my training to the next step. And it is a horribly scary thing! I have this sick feeling like there going to scream and call the police if I get near them!
------

I have to trust God!

Im learning that its not all about me! Just because you say you've never had friends, does not mean your going to talk to me! I might be in close proximity of the conversation, however, this does not mean Ive been invited... You may think Im a freak, and want nothing to do with me!

Later that night at the night meeting, I sat down in the corner, the older sister is a few chairs away!

I notice this older sister look at me as I sit down. She watched me the whole time, she likes me! I have no idea what this means in reality. She could have a boy friend and is playing a game. People do strange unethical things. She could be looking for attention and not care how it effects me!

Her younger sister is in the room yet, does not care to see me or look at me; nothing, I don't matter.

What does it all mean! Well, It means Im getting practice and learning in the real world with real people. It means, the more I practice in the real world, soon I will not need the therapist anymore.


AVPD: what a nightmare!

I do not know that the older sister has a boy friend ( she is the one that likes me). I have not asked her! Yet, Ive gotten angry about it because I saw her with a man that visits on the weekends, he comes to the meetings. I was sure they were dating and I was being viciously played.

At the night meeting tonight, I noticed this man sitting next to the older sister ( the one that likes me)! I didn't care, However, I knew it!, I knew something was to good to be true. He was there next to her! I didn't seem to care, I felt God was allowing me a learning situation and its all interaction in the end. I need to be careful tho, thats what I thought!

As the meeting closed I noticed something strange, " that wasn't her boyfriend, that was a kid skateboarder sitting next to her" I had created a mountain out of a dirt pile. AVPD is responsible for this. I get freaked and way over board with unreality. I panic with ideas of rejection and abandonment.

Another cute girl came up to me at the end of the meeting.. I said hi, she said hi. I mentioned something to her, she said she had been in town the last 5 months. I never knew. I almost asked her out for coffee.

I stopped and analyzed what had happened with this last girl! I had a complete interaction, I asked questions of interest, held my own, and the conversation was opened up enough to ask her out. Im not sure what stopped me, I became self conscious. So, Im getting much better. Im able to say hi, and hang in! However, longer conversations are hard.

OUtside at the back of the church at the end of the meeting:

I went outside to hang out at the back. A friend of mine is always there, although he gets tired of me hanging on him! He's my support block when Im all alone in social-vill. A women walks over to both of us. I am nervous. She stays for a few minutes, she is board with us and leaves to the next group a few feet away! This is the first time a women has hung out with me or next to me in years. Its a very strange site.

I definitely have fears and issues surrounding my worth with women! Its sad. I hope to get over it!

I will have to write on it in more depth at some point.

I have to remember: Da! I have dissociative Disorder, the fact Im out of my apartment is a miracle.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 12119 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Majestic-12 [Bot], Zigzagoon