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Im going to need this site!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Sep 03, 2013 8:19 am

Connection is the key!

Im going to need this site, and many others:

THe world is closing in on me! Im becoming stronger and the focus is on relationships and people. The focus is on touch and intimacy! Im starting to open up to the world a bit at ground zero!

The simple things indicate everything in life!

Show me someone in recovery, and the first thing I want to know; how is your laundry, your apartment clean? what type of wardrobe! whats your style! what type of hobbies. How are your relationships, how is your relationship with God!

If you cant keep your cloths clean and you have contempt for yourself with a smile; there are problems; you have much to work on! you do not have the recovery you claim.. Management starts in the thinking, and ends in various parts of the apartment; how clean is that apartment, how organized. Are you clean, your cloths, your rooms? This will say much about you regardless of what comes out of your mouth by way of words. The words need to match the work! The inside must match the outside.

You say your going to do something; prove it! show me! back it up! or will you stay a dreamer your whole life? It requires work to change my thinking! I must work my way into a new way of thinking; I do not think my way into a new way of living! And recovery is not alone, it does take many people to pull me out of me! I use 12 step groups for this! none chemical as well as chemical!

I do not have a traditional family! I am alone! However, I have God, recovery and lots of 12 step meetings. Im at a church, I have some therapists and psych group meetings. I have weirdo friends that are unpredictable and untrustworthy! a few!

I am alone! I am in the middle of the middle of the middle! Im awake enough to have people come up to me to shake my hand. Im awake enough to start calling people and going out! Im very close to having friends, if and when I get my apartment clean! Im very close to more and more interactions! Yet, the general group of people( culture, society) will not help me get out of this box, so I will have to depend on online forums and other places to write! Writing helps get it out!

Im starting to spill over on to everyone! Im getting stronger and it shows. Im not " back", I have along way to go for full interaction. Im getting better! and it shows,. more people are showing up around me! Showing up and saying hello! or Im saying hello! My interaction skills are picking up as much as dissociative disorder will allow!

Many people look at me as a dumb-ass , and this has worked wonderfully to keep me hidden until I was stronger. Im now getting stronger and Im frustrated dealing with these idiots. Im feeling very alone! Im starting to out grow the groups Im involved with yet, I have no place to go! No new place to go! I will have to trust God!

Im in that strange growing transition of stretching! Im not sure I want to stretch to far! If I stretch to far, I will stretch out of security! My security has been in lack of confidence. If I meander to the other side of loneness, I will not be alone! I will work my way out of the rooms of recovery! Therefore, I must grow up ward, and this is going to be painful and confusing for awhile.

The ability to respond or rebound is getting better! Im bouncing back! Im bouncing around people, Im bouncy! just a little! not to much, enough to indicate life is moving!

Im starting to bounce back n forth! Im bantering! Its all great exercise for the mind and nervous system. Its a start! and the people around me are noticing, its making them nervous to see me grow. However, many have general contempt for me! a mild form of specific contempt!

I am not valued! the wall between prejudice and reality is gapped enough to cause disillusionment sorrow.

Im a bit insecure in this middle section ( growing section) of recovery! The fangs are coming at me from every direction! I am not liked as it is, now its worse! its made clear, few will help me out of this box, I must go it alone with Gods help!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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