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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1020)
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Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
   Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:17 pm
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She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

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Im getting very close

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:25 am

Im getting very close; What does that mean?
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As the resistance to my new memories or the positive memories take interest; the resistance to life slowly falls away. I believe Im achieving memories with out the horror. What does this mean? The memories are not connected to the monsters of the same time period or the bad circumstances. I wanted to feel; but not the insecurity to go with it; the insecurity of being thrown away with no home or future.; this is not attached.
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One main problem; I get positive emotion and thought from past memories; The problem is; I was a little boy and Im getting his memories back; But he didn't have to worry about a car or house or food or clothing.
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At times Im feeling satisfied; but I feel blocked; because I need more then an eight year olds memories to survive; so; Im appreciative of these memories; but I need a whole new set of thoughts heading toward the practical.
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Im not satisfied yet; Something is missing; I don't feel whole and complete with a satisfying life; I will have to ask the universe about this; what does my life look like; a satisfying life; what does it look like.
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If someone came up to talk to me; I would feel shame; mainly because Im not doing well financially; Im not making any commitment to doing what I want.
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I feel ashamed of the lack of money. I want to tell people and show people Im financially successful. And this is hard; but I will tell the universe and see what new directions or thoughts show up. Actually , I feel financial starvation.
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"Im not making any commitment to do what I want"; This is a great answer; this is perfect; can you hear it; hear the block or feel it like I do. Can you sense the bottle neck. I can feel it; the fear; the anger, the rage; the horror; the hostility. I feel it all over the place. This is where the work is; in commitment. Ive got a problem with commitment. ITs very hard and very scary. I don't like to put myself out where i can be attacked or abandon. What do I do; My emotions well up into a dissociative dysfunctional ball. So, this is where the work is.
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Ive noticed something to; I need a car for doing the things I want to do; its things like a car that make the difference; and I want the help from the universe; I want the pathway unfolding. I can see myself going and doing fun things if I had a car. I could go off and camp or swim or mountain bike; the problem is; I take it to the universe and never get a money answer; it never shows up; the pathway to what I want; I don't understand.
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Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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