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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
Archives
- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Im getting very close

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:25 am

Im getting very close; What does that mean?
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As the resistance to my new memories or the positive memories take interest; the resistance to life slowly falls away. I believe Im achieving memories with out the horror. What does this mean? The memories are not connected to the monsters of the same time period or the bad circumstances. I wanted to feel; but not the insecurity to go with it; the insecurity of being thrown away with no home or future.; this is not attached.
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One main problem; I get positive emotion and thought from past memories; The problem is; I was a little boy and Im getting his memories back; But he didn't have to worry about a car or house or food or clothing.
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At times Im feeling satisfied; but I feel blocked; because I need more then an eight year olds memories to survive; so; Im appreciative of these memories; but I need a whole new set of thoughts heading toward the practical.
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Im not satisfied yet; Something is missing; I don't feel whole and complete with a satisfying life; I will have to ask the universe about this; what does my life look like; a satisfying life; what does it look like.
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If someone came up to talk to me; I would feel shame; mainly because Im not doing well financially; Im not making any commitment to doing what I want.
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I feel ashamed of the lack of money. I want to tell people and show people Im financially successful. And this is hard; but I will tell the universe and see what new directions or thoughts show up. Actually , I feel financial starvation.
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"Im not making any commitment to do what I want"; This is a great answer; this is perfect; can you hear it; hear the block or feel it like I do. Can you sense the bottle neck. I can feel it; the fear; the anger, the rage; the horror; the hostility. I feel it all over the place. This is where the work is; in commitment. Ive got a problem with commitment. ITs very hard and very scary. I don't like to put myself out where i can be attacked or abandon. What do I do; My emotions well up into a dissociative dysfunctional ball. So, this is where the work is.
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Ive noticed something to; I need a car for doing the things I want to do; its things like a car that make the difference; and I want the help from the universe; I want the pathway unfolding. I can see myself going and doing fun things if I had a car. I could go off and camp or swim or mountain bike; the problem is; I take it to the universe and never get a money answer; it never shows up; the pathway to what I want; I don't understand.
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Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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