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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1020)
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- October 2019
Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
   Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:17 pm
A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
   Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:44 pm
She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

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Im extremely frustrated

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm

Im extremely frustrated person. Im getting better supposedly; but Im not getting anywhere. I feel like I'm running in circles.
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I go to a meeting in the morning. Before that; Ive watched porn. Im not dating anyone right now; even if I was; I would still be watching Asian lesbians making out with each other on pornhub. Anyway; welcome to manhood.
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So; I watch porn; and at the same time when I wake up; I look at my facebook Home page fead; and all the different groups Im in. I make a thousand comments concerning everyone elses posts concerning laws of attraction or CPTSD; its about as simple as that. Then I get cleaned up and go to a morning meeting at 6;30 in the morning; Im usually late; I dont like everyone at the meetings; Some have no conscious; its hard to be around; but beggars cant be choosy. Most people are cool but the meetings are about addiction and nothing else and I've got allot more to talk about in this life then just addiction problems. Then I come home; I might go out on my bike for an hour. I come back; get back on the computer write some blogs; Maybe book around with the guitar.
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I then go to the coffee shop; I write; When Im at the 12 step meetings; I write. I write about the plans I want for my future. Then I come home from the coffee shop; Im on the computer again; then what. Im frustrated; Where am I going in life. Im writing about getting the universe to send me pathways to the right places and people and things. And I dont have any pathways. I want them to show up. I could use just one intimate friend; something; but I dont have them.
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the rest of the day is spent doing the same; writing, going to meetings, looking for answers... the answers Im looking for; what am I suppose to do with my life; and wheres my girlfriend. Im so sick of being around people with a girlfriend.
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Ive learned that at meetings; its a waist of time; those are not the women I want to go with; thats insane. oK; where are they;
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Just one person would be nice.
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I might try mediation.
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Im not enjoying any of this.
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Im not on the streets;
I feel like Im stuck on the streets and dont care; I dont know where to go; what do to; where to start; No sign of a pathway; I dont understand;
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Its the same for women; nothing.
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Its the same problems of where all these things come from. I go to 3 places during the day and thats it; Im waiting for the universe to show me something new; a new place; something. anything. Nothing show up.
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My mind comes up with a day dream; but nothing shows up in the real world; a pathway to a new place; nothing feels right or fits right. I dont know.
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I think about women; i dont get it. I really dont; where do I go to meet these women the universe is sending me; I dont get any of this.
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Wheres the pathways.
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Car; wheres the car I attempted to attract using the laws of attraction; where is it?

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I dont know what my direction is; its getting embarrassing to go to 12 step meetings and keep complaining about the same things over n over n over with no knew results.
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Ive made allot of spiritual results but Im no richer, no further with my talents and no girlfriend!
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Why is this so hard to get a girlfriend. I think that maybe Im not around the right people; who are the right people and why wont the universe show me; is it a ######6 secret? Why is the universe playing games with me.
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I wanted an Asian soulmate; Ive seen a lot of Asian women show up around me; who the ###$ cares; this does no good; just because a bunch of Asian women are walking by on a down town side walk; so what! That means nothing; theirs no result in this. So; I try another angle. nothing happens.
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im so confused about everything; what am i suppose to do with my life; I try to work with the universe on it; and Im not getting anywhere.
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Nothing feels right to me or safe; nothing.... Zero. nothing...
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I cant understand this. Does the universe hate me; is that it?

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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