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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/im_doing_a_lot_of_talking%C7%83_b-9705_sid-3c7fb74e8c49a16a44fca37fa0d844a2.html |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Sun Feb 28, 2016 4:10 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Im doing a lot of talking! |
Im doing a lot of taking with little action! But, Im OKe! It's OK! The point is; Im seeing all the wishful thinking Im writing about! Yet, in the real world, where is the results! Not much! Im slowly getting better on all fronts! I forget, I have been taking people out to coffee! Not the most sophisticated; but thats OK! It's working! And I need to keep going! And it hurts! And its tough! And people don't like me to cry over the stuff Im going through in front of them; but it hurts bad! Its hard! I get hit with allot of traumatic terror based PTSD where Im alone and no way out! And allot of this gets triggered and I need support when I reach out on my own! My mind does not last long! Yet, the people I take to coffee would not have the depth for this! I will continue to take people out to coffee! Im attempting to work through learned helplessness! Im better; but this is hard! All of it! Im trying to come back to normal; stay in shape, keep my apartment clean! My goal is to create my own reality! Not just live in mediocracy! But thats whats happened to me; Im living in mediocrity! And Im not sure how to stop it! Well, Im doing the right work to stop it; to learn about it and what I can do about it! I could be married! I could be! Theirs trillions of women out there! Would that fix the problem; no! I want to learn to love the journey of my life and be enthusiastic emotionally about what I have not experienced yet! To be enthusiastic; I have to have a better out look and gratitude for life and keep going! Im heading toward that place of living again in the moment and elsewhere! Having plans and goals and long term goals! As for now! I live in a little apartment in a small down; I go to the gym and 12 step meetings! I have to learn to dream big! So; Im doing allot of talking and taking some action with the hopes of developing a real here n now attitude of living my life! I would like to create my own reality, not live in reality! |
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