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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Im broke; But I feel OK

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Dec 05, 2017 2:18 am

I have a few accounts! One of these accounts had some extra money! and through the years, I asked a friend who watches part of my money to respond to my request for some of this money. I had a bill to pay today! Ive been doing better and wanted to pay it; Im working on success based thinking stuff and wanted to pay the bill! God thing! However, I thought I had a few grand sitting around! I was surprised to find out I did not; it was all dried up! Looking back on this; it made sense! When your taking out a few bucks from the bank; it adds up slowly! When you taking out a grand at a time; thats different!
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So, I got enough to pay a bill; and Im flat broke! I finally cut top the credit card and have been paying on it! I got about another 6 months on it! Then I can start saving some money again! This time; I want to be free and clear of my friend! Ill figure something else out!
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The fact I have no money aint fun, but Im actually moving forward; and the universe wanted me to know this; know this account had no money! wanted me to know that I had almost the exact amount to pay this bill! Wanted me to pay this bill! I called the creditor! I hadn't talked to them in 5 years! They were a bit shocked! So, Ill be paying them off!
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Ill be learning how to ask the universe for more money and putting my focus on that! The real goal is trusting the universe and feeling safe!
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I choose to stay on planet earth! suicide was a natural state of my life for 30 years! Not now! Im basically no longer suicidal! I had clinical depression for 20 years; no more! I have PTSD and go into my cave at times into a processing mode; I stay their for months; Im a bit melancholy; but not really! Im not depressed! Im more stressed!
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Lack of connection with the outside world causes stress! Im interested in being connected again to the outside world; some place other then 12 step meetings, a payee and my computer! Their must be more to adult life!
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I had dreams as a child; they were all crushed and destroyed! They were destroyed because the family system and surrounding people and places and things were never on my side or my friends! They were the enemies of people like me; people with a legitimate trauma background!~
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I have to reach out to the universe in a positive way and believe! The universe is real, and the laws that run it are real; I have to trust that the universe likes me enough to be on my side; thats been the biggest problem!
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I have to learn how to trust again; trust the universe! At times; I just count understand!
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regardless, I have to learn to trust the universe if I want what the universe has to offer!
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When I walk outside, I go to a meeting and go home; a 12 step meeting! I might go to the store and go home; Theirs not much else, or any body else! Most of what I do is work on LOA success based thinking stuff! I spend time with music and art; or thats the idea! the trauma of my past makes it hard to get into my music and art! Im blocked by memories of intruders within my personal space!
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So, Im a work in progress to learn to trust the universe!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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