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OMNICELL
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Im a great person that has been treated badly!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Oct 20, 2015 11:03 pm

Im a great person to be around! I always have been! Ive always been the greatest of human beings! Always! Meaning, Im a really nice decent person! Im the most decent person you have ever met!

How I was treated;

I was treated horribly; I can only guess that my father protected me as a child for a while! That is all I can guess! The rest of the world came in on me as if I was completely worthless! But I was never completely worthless! I do not understand it! A whole community of people? Treating me badly? Why?

I do not understand!

I have never been treated correctly by people! None of them! No one has treated me for my worth! Its incredible! I do not know how to describe it! And it continues today in many ways!

I do not understand! Im treated as if you should be alerted that something is wrong with I show up! Im worth just as much as you or anyone else! Better! However, Im treated like a second class citizen!
Its as if I have a prejudice against me!

Ive been with several different communities in my life! None of them treated me as much more then worthless! No one was ever interested in me the person! None of them! I simply do not understand!

I am not worthless!

Im thinking of a person I grew up with! We were friends! I always like him! Now, when I see him, he literally rights me of with ridicule and spits in my face socially! I do not understand this!

Im an intelligent person! I do not understand! Its as if something backward happened!

Im the most decent of people! I like any other decent person will not sell myself to you when you see me! You will treated me with respect and we will get along! Why would not not respect me! Why?

Its crazy! Im finely, barely able to move forward, but I am! It hurts a great deal and confesses me !

Looking back at the first girl I loved! Looking at her behavior; My mother freaked me out so badly, when she attacked me and told me the girl I loved thought I was worthless; that I left the area! I just wanted to leave the area! So I did! I just stopped seeing the girl I loved! But the girl I loved did nothing about it! She seemed not to care if I never saw her again! But when I was around her, she liked me! I don't understand!

Finally, the first girl I loved wrote me off as a fool! As many women have! As a weakling! Why did she not attempt to find the truth! I do not understand!

Did she or did she not like me! I did not understand! I could have married her! she would have said yes! she had the potential of a soulmate! but when she found out I did not have it together; that I was hurting and in trouble! she turned on me and claimed she never knew me or liked me! that I meant nothing to her and would have never met me! its as if she was trying to save face with her friends! as if she had no conscious! maybe she didn't! I know!

Possibly she was a sociopath! And I just thought she liked me when she could like no one! She may have been a carbon copy of my mother!

I think the was a sociopath! And I was giving her attention; much needed attention when I was round her! And she liked it! But when I wasn't around her, she couldn't care less! When she got her first opportunity to dump me; she took it! And she got rid of me!

I was poor and confused and in trouble emotionally! I loved her with all my heart! Its possible she never loved me! Its possible I was being led on! Led on in a pathological way!

She respected that I was strong enough to over take her! But when I was to weak to show up around her, she lost respect for me and never talked to me again?! And this is who I was in love with! Smoothing does not seem correct! I mean, something is not right!

I loved this girl but when I was in trouble; she bolted! She never came back and could careless! She simply turn coated on me! 2 faced! But I never knew it or saw it!

She was upper middle class! "Here we go again!"... This is the same thing that happened with my " best friend"! I did not see it coming, and I did not see what he was really like!

I did not have the money to know these people! But I did not know this!

In the case of my first love! She did not know I did not have a future or money! She thought I was upper middle class! Thats why she responded to me! When she found out I was not; I was out! And I mean; " out'!

I still know what Im worth! I have a few friends now and am learning who to have friends again! They are upper middle class snobs! Just nice people like you; like me! Just nice down to earth normal people!

Nice people!

The people I associated with when young were not nice people! But they were people!; because they were people, I was attracted to them! God has never brought them back into my like! And never allowed me to ever go near them again! He protects me!

--------------------------------

I look at all the women from the different meetings that have liked me! Every good looking women in the group and most of their hot daughters! All of them! And their daughters; some of them have come on to me!

And every one of them has written me of! All of them! As if Im worthless because I could not respond to them! None of them accepted the truth; I have dissociative disorder and could not follow through! I could not get into relationships! I could not follow through! And I told all of them this! All of them!

They've been told over, over n over n over n over! But no one ever came up to me asking me questions or attempting to find out the truth! Instead they made me into a weakling and wrote me off; exactly like my first love; exactly like my best friend and his family! And they are all wrong! All of them!

But not everyone treats me this way! There are others that are nicer!

All the hot girls that I met! They all turned on me! All of them! All through the years! Never accepted what I told them!

Many middle class people doing the same! They look at me with distrust or that Im lying about my disabilities! As if I really care! Like I would really hang out with ######6 trash like this!

Im a decent person; iVe had to be around many people I did not want to be around! IVe been to many many groups for recovery help!

Ive had a few people respect me; but no women! None of them! Well, I know a few older women that respect me! But none of the hot girls; not one! And yet, they all wanted me at one time! Not now!

And finally, Im starting to let go of the " hot girls"!

When it comes to women; I need a really humble girl thats really good looking, thats really hot! but of no interest to anyone else! that belongs to nothing, belongs to no class system! is ignored by most! but would not be ignored by me! but thats what happened with my first love! yet, she ended up having money! and when she realized it, as she got older; she dumped me!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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