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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/identity_b-8962_sid-0370938589576e56f023afca4156e22d.html

Author:  OMNICELL [ Tue Sep 22, 2015 3:41 pm ]
Blog Subject:  Identity

Im trying to get over the past! A past created by a psychopath that was in control of my life from birth!

I am not around these psychopaths anymore! However, their damage lives with in every blood vessel that flows through my nervous system!

Fear, bulling and intimidation; these flow through me as I think or am reminded of the sociopaths! And the psychopaths I dealt with!

My nervous system was ruined being around them!

It is not personal; what they did! All things they did to me, they would have done to you if you were in my situation!; yet, this is the hardest part of letting go!

Admitting that you wont let go of the psychopaths is a hard thing! You don't want to let them go; they are the only anchor points you have of your life! Yet, they wanted it that way! Thats how they still control you! And they want that bulling psychopathic control over you!

You mean nothing to a psychopath! Children are used a complete objects! It's a ######6 horrible ordeal! One of the worst you can go through; truly in humane!

All of it was in humane!

Im attempt to recover from it!

Drugs and alcohol I tried! Although hooked; I got off them and into recovery! Im very lucky my potential for such things did not get over the top! It got over top just enough to get me in the recovery rooms! Im grateful to be in the recovery rooms!

I am frightened and scared of everything and anything outside! Its hard to allow others around me that might control me out of my life!

Its hard dealing with authority figures! Or any one that could take control and use me or hurt me!

I was thrown away from everything and every one of my past life! My childhood life! It was a stunning horrible experience!

Although I want to blame others; ultimately, it all traces back to the psychopaths!

The goal is to see the past for what it really was; not as I would have it! And this is exceptionally hard as I was a child and have childhood memories of everything!

Being a child; you see things with hope and you make things fun; even in the face of adversity!

I could not manage for ever! I fell short after a few years, long before I was out of my school years! I dissociated into mental illness! By the time I was 18 I could not function!

However, this is normal for people who are brought up or forced to live around psychopaths!

Its hard to admit that psychopaths destroyed my life! I never wanted it this way! But I never saw the big picture! It was doomed from the beginning!

Now, Im attempting to reaffix everything! Go back into my childhood and reaffix it and reframe it without the bad people, or snob people! Learn to see it for what it was and move on to a life I was supposed to have!

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