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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (919)
Archives
- June 2019
Trying to write a blog; keeps getting knocked off
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 5:35 pm
Lonely and still here
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 11:32 am
going to meetings; Yuk
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 3:55 am
social is coming back; but its slow and about thinking
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:00 am
intimacy 3
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:26 am
1966 and 50 years later; or 50 years to late?
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 4:29 am
Coping with what has happened to me in this life
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 1:43 am
Visualizations
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:27 pm
Talents and development
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:39 pm
Money and women
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:19 pm
women and shame
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 5:53 am
Music creating; blocked
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:46 am
Im getting very close
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:25 am
Its hard when you were never loved.
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 5:29 pm
Things are changing
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 6:08 am
Cant finish anything I start; cant get started
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:36 am
Social isolation; social uphill climb
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 2:25 am
Feeling better inside
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:28 pm
Money
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:38 am
An interest in the arts
   Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:39 am
Social
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:32 pm
intimacy 2
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 4:02 pm
intimacy
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:51 am
Identity overwhelmed
   Sun Jun 16, 2019 10:22 am
re changing the present
   Wed Jun 12, 2019 3:45 pm
Working out of it; the struggle continues
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 4:14 pm
A new segment of life
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:07 am
dealing with life from zero to 18
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:13 pm
Connecting to things in the real world
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 11:53 am
Things are changing
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 4:43 am
I have to believe more
   Sat Jun 08, 2019 10:24 pm
liking myself and dating
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 8:46 pm
Dissociation
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 4:58 pm
Love
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:05 pm
Purpose
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 7:27 pm
Happiness
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:04 am
bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 8:03 pm
Bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 5:57 am
Childhood reconnection;
   Sat Jun 01, 2019 4:26 pm

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Identity

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Sep 22, 2015 3:41 pm

Im trying to get over the past! A past created by a psychopath that was in control of my life from birth!

I am not around these psychopaths anymore! However, their damage lives with in every blood vessel that flows through my nervous system!

Fear, bulling and intimidation; these flow through me as I think or am reminded of the sociopaths! And the psychopaths I dealt with!

My nervous system was ruined being around them!

It is not personal; what they did! All things they did to me, they would have done to you if you were in my situation!; yet, this is the hardest part of letting go!

Admitting that you wont let go of the psychopaths is a hard thing! You don't want to let them go; they are the only anchor points you have of your life! Yet, they wanted it that way! Thats how they still control you! And they want that bulling psychopathic control over you!

You mean nothing to a psychopath! Children are used a complete objects! It's a ######6 horrible ordeal! One of the worst you can go through; truly in humane!

All of it was in humane!

Im attempt to recover from it!

Drugs and alcohol I tried! Although hooked; I got off them and into recovery! Im very lucky my potential for such things did not get over the top! It got over top just enough to get me in the recovery rooms! Im grateful to be in the recovery rooms!

I am frightened and scared of everything and anything outside! Its hard to allow others around me that might control me out of my life!

Its hard dealing with authority figures! Or any one that could take control and use me or hurt me!

I was thrown away from everything and every one of my past life! My childhood life! It was a stunning horrible experience!

Although I want to blame others; ultimately, it all traces back to the psychopaths!

The goal is to see the past for what it really was; not as I would have it! And this is exceptionally hard as I was a child and have childhood memories of everything!

Being a child; you see things with hope and you make things fun; even in the face of adversity!

I could not manage for ever! I fell short after a few years, long before I was out of my school years! I dissociated into mental illness! By the time I was 18 I could not function!

However, this is normal for people who are brought up or forced to live around psychopaths!

Its hard to admit that psychopaths destroyed my life! I never wanted it this way! But I never saw the big picture! It was doomed from the beginning!

Now, Im attempting to reaffix everything! Go back into my childhood and reaffix it and reframe it without the bad people, or snob people! Learn to see it for what it was and move on to a life I was supposed to have!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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