So, the next phase, when I move into it is; Identity! the ability to become me again! me, past the bulling of the past! and the horror and being thrown away!
I was pulled into a new city when young, then thrown away! it is horrible; so horrible, what they did to me! ######6 butchers! I was just an innocent kid! they knew they would die some day, so it would not matter! They think they have escaped! they tried to destroy and innocent boy! or a child! sick ###$! what else can I say about them, or anyone like them! what else can I say about them!
I do not have my life back! several areas have to open up first! much work has to be done on the past! the past is still a PTSD based past! very bad, very scary and confusing! I was treated as a scape goat! I did not see it coming! the world came crashing down on me as hard as it could from every angle! Im assuming this was my mothers doing; she was a sadistic sociopath! These types have no problems destroying your reputation with every groups you have worked with! it means nothing if you are a boy! they will destroy the reputation of a child just as fast! and it will destroy the child, as it did me! it left me in complete confusion of what was going on and why! and no one came to save me! no one in the community! I was alone and being torn down to pieces!
Its so hard to see what happened! to see all of it! it is the worst of the worst possible endings to a life! meaning the life of that child! the movie reel in my head spins out at age 10, and is no more!
The fact Im coming back to life now is a bloody miracle! But I am all alone! no one wants to hang out with me!
Im slowly learning how to approach women again! its a very slow slow process! its happening for me!
SSI; Ive had several people suggest I make money! Ive tried to tell them Im on SSi! I can't! so, they now leave me alone as a loser!
Identity; it is my job to continually build my identity!
And the identity process continues! at some point when I am more bold I might start talking to people; not yet!