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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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I proud of myself: I feel good about it!~ I feel good about me

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Dec 08, 2017 6:05 am

Im proud of myself! Ive faced what I have to face and Im gaining the rewards for it! Im not sure any other explanation can be sought or expected!

First;
Ive been accused of being a women hater! and I'm getting fed up with these man haters accusing me of this! Im at the point of not associating with them ever again! Im fed up dealing with them.
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Ive had a terrible problem with women lately; Ive been accused so many times of being a women hater Im sick of it and Im sick of the filth perpetuating it; Their just man haters; all of them! I would say I feel sorry for them; but! I dont care; Im a nice alligator, if you stay in your part of the cave and stay out of my way when Im hunting; we will get along fine! What ever you do in this life; do not slip up behind me and stab me in the back; not after I allowed you in my pond without going to war with you! I slammed you on the bottom of that pond and held you their for a good 10 minutes for a reason; Im sending a message; its to allow you to live! If not! it would be war on the spot! I would see you as an intruder and kill! It is war until you make it otherwise! You wanted to be in my pond; a pond where I have to watch the perimeter, where I hunt so I can eat, so I can stay alive another day! instead of staying in the cave on the other side of the pond and taking care what ever you take care of! You decided to cross the lines! I put you on the bottom of that pond and held you their for a reason! I was setting down the rules of the pond! You are lucky Im giving you rules or it would be war! But no; you have to disrespect my rules and act as if theirs no consequences! Their are always consequences! I have to watch the edge of the pond for any food that might come up to that edge! I must watch that I can trick and set a trap and capture what comes up to the edge; that I may eat! I have to spend all day long doing this to survive! I cant watch whats in front of me and my back! But you did not respect this! I showed you the rules! I slammed you on the bottom of the pond for a reason; I made it clear; if you want to be in my pond; you may! but dont ever cross me! Do not ever enter behind my back where I cannot see; Do not stab me in the back when I am suppose to be hunting or I will destroy you immediately by way of war; I will go to war immediately on the spot! And all things in the pond shall be liquidated. I have no choice; its about my survival! you were warned! and you didnt head the warning or the invitation; you betrayed my sacred trust and for that I will show no mercy! I will apply the rules to you as I would any enemy trying to kill me!
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Im not talking to these man haters anymore! non of them; they are all 2 faced! cowards! I dont need them for anything! its a waist of my time! Im at a different wave lengths!
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I dont associate with people who try to pull me down! Im not interested! These are all haters pretending to have character; I guess, I dont think about them all that much! Im to busy doing the right things to make me feel special!
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Im an honorable man and I wont stand for people bad mouthing my good name! I certainly dont need to associate with 2 faced sycophant trouble makers stirring up drama at my expense! I want no part of it; and Ive earned more in this life; Ive faced problems single handedly, Im not squirming around with the other fish as a follower! Im a pioneer in nature! Im intellectual and taking it to the field to test my theories! I do both! I dont need people of less character bothering me or waisting my time.
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Im a hurt person; I was brutalized and destroyed when young! I was destroyed by women and by men; equal amounts! I am not a hater by nature; I could care less about the scum filth that did this to me! meaning, I dont think in terms of their rights! I care that I was a child and Ive tried all my life to escape what happened to me! But I call things as they happened! Im a witness of what happened! I dont care whether its men or women that did it; I care about the evidence and nothing more! In my case; you've got a handful of bad women and some men that are sociopaths and at least one psychopath! And unfortunately; these monsters caused my life to be snuffed out! I will not hide this from anyone! I hate the person that raped me! I hated my mother n father! in reality, their was no mother and father; just 2 criminals who destroyed a group of children! I hate them in the form of a normal person hating a criminal who kills randomly! How do I say this! I dont hate body accept who a decent man is suppose to!
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Now; on to better things!
I feel proud of myself! Ive faced what I was suppose to face! I faced it and walked through it! God was the lead; I did what I was suppose to do; and that was trust God! and blind without knowing what to do; I choose the right thing; I stayed the line! I I never left it! and in the end! things are now getting better and the light is shining bright in my favor! Im feeling better, and I'm feeling good and Im feeling proud of myself!
Im feeling proud of myself because I saved myself! and I love myself for it! I mean; Im proud of myself! I did not get a hand shake or a pat on the back from someone else! I worked with God and once accomplishing what I set out to accomplish; the impossible; I patted myself on the back; no one else was involved; I didnt need a pat on the back from some external source! no one else was involved! I did this all myself; and that made all the difference! I faced what I faced myself! I didnt turn to someone else! I stayed the line! I worked with God and I worked with others in a secondary roll! secretly I was working on something else; something others didnt know anything about; but I knew what it was about; and I faced it! This gives me a kind of security and confidence I cant explain! Its earnest and real and earned!
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You dont get this kind of reward from being the president of a bank or earning 15 PHD's! You dont get it by being a rock star! You dont get it by having the most money! This is different! This is at the low end of things; the most common denominator! Its earned! You dont run! At the most lowly of places; you accept yourself and you move on! and its lower then this! ITs right at the core of self; the lowest denominator! The true feeling level! lowest gut level!
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Ive faced something! Something that comes along once in a life time! and Ive faced it and Ive won! Im now heading up ward! and Im so proud of myself! I never knew I could be the hero that saved my own life! is this really true! As hero, God is in charge! I got inline with God and never left; I walked with God through the valley death and I made it out alive! I made it out! I made it out! I made it out alive! Im on the other side! and Im now moving up the hill back to civilization! But its different then this! its a much more lonely humble venture; so low is this thats its about life itself! and it will make all the difference for my future! Everything changes now for the good!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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