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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Im still to young
   Fri Oct 18, 2019 4:36 pm
Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
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She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

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I know Ive never met any women to date ever....

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am

I wanted to write on this...
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I felt something; something hit when I was writing this. I felt something.
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So; I wanted to write on it. its a good subject; " I know Ive never met any women to date ever" what does this mean. What does this really mean to me; it means Im of a high nature and haven't been around women of that high nature because Im to afraid or have been to afraid I would not be accepted by them; something would go wrong; they would not see me for what Im worth. Why would I feel this way?
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I was around middle class acting people when young; they destroyed me and betrayed me and used me and where never my friends; but I thought they were my friends; I was wrong; dead wrong; and it cost me my life.
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Im afraid I cant trust anyone. And now as I get better; this is the first time I would ever give someone on this planet a chance.
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Im getting better and taking better care of myself so the idea of meeting better people seems possible; but the immaturity of people; I dont know.... And I dont know who to meet.
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I have many different personalities in me.. And I get judged on only one because they dont see the others; Im a vast in-depth person with many layers and many hidden rooms...
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So; I dont know where to go or who to meet.
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However, Im seeing some things; Im not meeting the right people; and I can see this; I have to get to a higher ground; and their it is; and then see what happens.
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So; working with the universe; I must get to a higher level of humanity and Im not sure how unless I become a higher level of humility!
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Its possible that with the right people; things will change.... and it may be that simple.
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Maybe........
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Im seeing the possibility of it; my worth and humanity; and it must be matched by others of the same regard; and anything less is not possible.
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So; Im starting to answer my own question; However, how will anyone see me for my worth; and this has been the problem with the universe.
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Im also seeing money; the ability to earn money; that was never developed in me; no fault of my own; from abuse I went into traumatic shock and dissociative disorder and CPTSD and never functioned again ever.
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I know that Im writing allot more blogs and expressions now very quickly; and that is a good sign of openness
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Im feeling it; the real me; the problem has been; theirs been no on around to support me; meaning emotional or identity support. Thats changing; Im changing; Im becoming myself again; its a miracle.
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But saying Im becoming myself again; it sounds a bit wrong... but its a bit right.
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When I was young; I had a magical life I loved; one I created when I was alone; with my TV shows, and making model submarines and making friends and wanting to be like the Beatles when I grew up; and many other wonderful creative things; I had a wonderful life; thats why it was taken from me by the psychopaths. And now its returning; but when I go outside; its a world I am not part of. I go to 12 step meetings and come home; then go to the coffee shop and write about what new stories Im going to be when I grow up. But I dont yet do to much else. Im wanting that to expand. and Im learning how. I get scared because I dont want more taken from me. I want the universe on my side.
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So; I have allot of changes to make and to become; The more I change inside; and become myself again; the better chance of meeting the kinds of people I want to meet. .
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One problem is; How do I dress and act and what do I drive and where do I go in the outside world; I have to attract new people and places and things and interests and this must open up for me.
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As for women; I dont know whats going on here. I dont get it. I hope it changes. But something tells me Ill have to get to a high level before things change....

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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