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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1109)
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- November 2020
emotions starting to bleed out; This is good
   Thu Nov 26, 2020 7:11 pm
Anxiety and dealing with the opposite sex
   Wed Nov 25, 2020 7:52 am
The work is over my head; but thats OK
   Wed Nov 18, 2020 8:35 am
Wont let the people I love into my life...
   Tue Nov 17, 2020 5:45 am
Social and feeling worthy
   Mon Nov 16, 2020 4:21 pm
Loving myself for real
   Fri Nov 13, 2020 5:15 pm
Moving onward
   Fri Nov 13, 2020 1:29 pm
And her vision keeps getting closer
   Wed Nov 11, 2020 11:19 am
On moving on and creating a new life
   Sun Nov 08, 2020 9:53 pm
Breaking the dating barrier
   Sat Nov 07, 2020 6:22 pm
Back to the drawing board with women
   Thu Nov 05, 2020 2:53 am
Changes are occurring; still isolated and lonely
   Tue Nov 03, 2020 6:13 am

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I know Im in the right place to do art; and other things

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Jul 26, 2019 5:08 am

I can sense my worth level and Im feeling it. Im feeling things at a significant high tight level; its a real thin line; Im reaching up and Im in their. I can feel it; that inner edge..
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I felt it on my bike while crossing the street; I could feel it. Art. real art. I was ready. I could feel it; it was great. It was very close to what Ive been feeling; but this was a little further; like a bullet in the chamber is ready to fire; and the path of least resistance has aligned itself; its ready... ',
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6th grade is getting in the way; its a time period that has to be written about and the universe has to open up to me; its a time period that has to be dealt with and understood and felt and remembered and then the universe will start filling it with grass and over flowing it into obscurity; like its been doing with all my bad memories of childhood. My memories of the past are starting to be taken over by tall ever rising grass... In my memories; houses and kitchens and bad people and living rooms are starting to become filled with grass; as it slowly grows around everything. And at some point; the grass will make everything disappear.
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I was right in place for art; it happened today as I was crossing the street. does it mean Ive started Art; no! It means Ive moved forward into catching up with myself; my inner self and energy me are aligned with each other. Me and my inner being; we are aligned concerning art. And it happened on a bicycle on the way to the coffee shop.
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And other things Im working on; Im working on the plans that allow me to see the pathways to my Asian soulmate wife/family. Im working on it; new stories and strategies; I write them as if they have already led me to my Asian wife and Ive been enjoying her company for 1 year. And writing like this takes allot of time; it is not easy.
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Step by step; each step leading to the other in the real world created by the imagination; each step; one after the other; leading to its finally destination; from me to my family; My Asian wife....
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Im writing up stories and making pictures of her. Creating songs about her. creating clay figures of her as if she is already here.
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Putting dish-ware out on the table with a chair as if she is eating with me tonight. Making room for her in my bed. And many more things to try....
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Im not sure when Ill start art; Ive been visualizing as if I have a canvas in my head and Im drawing on; it need much more practice then this.
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Weight loss; Im scared; if I loose weight; I might get relationships with women; Im scared to death; Im scared to loose the weight.
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The realities of weight when your old. I am old and the realities are this; anything I eat that I have no exorcized with an equal amount of athletics; stays in my system as fat. that means I can gain 20 pounds in a month if Im just sitting around eating; this truly sucks. When I was young I could eat all day and ride a mountain bike hard all day and not gain an ounce.
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I've gained 30 pounds; Im in shape; good shape for loosing weight. I lost 10 pounds and gained 15 back.
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biggest issue; a change of diet. I have to eat 10 times less then Im eating and I have to eat good food and slow burning food that will stop my appetite.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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