Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1751)
Archives
- March 2024
A gift from God #2
   Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

+ February 2024
+ January 2024
+ December 2023
+ November 2023
+ October 2023
+ September 2023
+ August 2023
+ July 2023
+ June 2023
+ May 2023
+ April 2023
+ March 2023
+ February 2023
+ January 2023
+ December 2022
+ November 2022
+ October 2022
+ September 2022
+ August 2022
+ July 2022
+ June 2022
+ May 2022
+ April 2022
+ March 2022
+ February 2022
+ January 2022
+ December 2021
+ November 2021
+ October 2021
+ September 2021
+ August 2021
+ July 2021
+ June 2021
+ May 2021
+ April 2021
+ March 2021
+ February 2021
+ January 2021
+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

I cant remember sex

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat May 18, 2019 4:32 am

And so; I move the subject into the matter of sex. And this is especially good; for this is a subject of intimacy ; suggesting my dissociative disorder is waking up; Ive been putting pressure on the universe to heal me and make me remember; I lost almost all my memories of my entire history; and my childhood had a special altered block that separated itself from the rest of me.
.
With dissociative amnesia; with me; specifically, at its height; I could remember faces; but nothing else; meaning; I could remember the school in my mind; or the area of the school but nothing else; I could not remember what went on in that school; its all blocked. I remember it was a bad place, and I was numb and dissociative and in traumatic shock and flunked out completely.
I remember the bully named squirrel that bugged me the very first day I was their. I was bullied the whole time and other bad things; I cant remember; but I do remember the horror of it.
.
I was thinking of a women I dated in college for three years while at the University in the city on the coast. ITs a big stupid liberal city now.
.
I remember this women but do not remember having sex with her; ever; only once maybe; I must have had sex with her 500 times; and I dont’remember anything other then her face or choice moments with her; but no intimacy; and I remember; I never wore a rubber ever; and yet, I never got her pregnant? Im not allowed to remember intimacy; and this is dissociative amnesia at its best. This is how it was with my whole life when I first started therapy for dissociative disorder. it was all amnesia; everything.
.
Im trying to understand why Im not allowed to remember sleeping with this women; I cant remember anything; the bed, bedroom, that time of day; nothing; no remembrance; nothing. And I remember other things of that time period and Im not allowed to remember anything from that either.
.
When I was continuously being hit with humiliation and failure; finally, my mind blanks it all out; and later its turned into dissociative amnesia; and this happened with every area of my life.
.
Still; I wonder why I can remember having sex with her; not even once; not really.
...
.
I was telling a mens meeting today; Im starting to talk about wife, money, career, vacations, houses, cars; normal interests; and this is a great move forward; but most of them dont appreciate any of this; but its important for me; I never talked like this before.
.
.
I bring this up about sex; because Ive not been able to have sex; even if a women asked me for sex; I could not fallow through; and ive asked women out; but would not fallow through; even after a phone number; would not follow through; and Im trying to change that.
.
Im not sure why I did not follow through; why! was I afraid of sex; maybe; maybe Im afraid of hooking up with them; I dont know. Seems odd.
.
I had 2 women come to my apartment and want sex; I through them out; it freaked me out the way they showed up undercover of what they were doing their. They brought pizza and wanted to take selfies to show their girlfriends on facebook. But I chickened out; I ran off scared. And I dont know why; was I scared I could not perform very well; or I was frightened I was not big enough; I was 2 small and would be found out. Possibly I knew these were the wrong women to sleep with; I would get me into trouble later.
.
Trying to get to the bottom of what I would watch porn but not sleep with women.

.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 4612 times

Who is online

Registered users: ArchieCeatt, Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, HarleyTelve, Houstonfrest, Majestic-12 [Bot], MichaelInody, OMNICELL