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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/how_long_has_it_been_b-12357_sid-f198d3552fcca869d00cc8d8837774ae.html

Author:  OMNICELL [ Sun Aug 19, 2018 7:27 am ]
Blog Subject:  How long has it been

How long has it been since I've made out with a women! The trauma of my past as stopped me from any growth of interest in anything other then dealing with the nightmares inside me! Making out with women is a state of independence! I can feel it, or start to feel it; it means Im free in the present! and Im not their yet!
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Im starting to see myself making out with women; altho I dont know how this is going to happen; to step back into life and be that free! I really dont know; when Im trapped with the trauma of my past within me; dissociatively!
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I have tower with the universe for quality women to show up.
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quality women showing up; I have to work with the universe to either attract them or be in the right place for them to find me! I have to be a quality person; that I am; I am a quality person! But not a fake; I cant be a fake; Have to be myself and then attract intelligent people around me!
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I have allot of work to do with the universe!
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IVe had women at the meetings like me; but they never show up anywhere else! I never see them anywhere else! I dont want to pick women up at the meetings! and I have the sick sinister feeling about them; their not thinking about me; only themselves; I can tell this by many examples! they are searching to get fed! They are not interested in me! and their not interested in their children; and they continue to be in relationships as before; nothing has changed; they find a new man; have a new set of children by that man and then things fall apart; of course it has nothing to do with them; and they never mention the condition of the children; only that their own lives are hurting; they mention nothing about the damage of the child because their is no mother; its ######6 sickening! People like this should get 20 years in the prison system! no conscious! and most of the time; Im dealing with women who have no conscious! In fact; my next soulmate search; meaning; when I reach out to source energy; should include as the main theme; a conscious; and see who I attract!
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What am I looking for in a women; An Asian-soulmate from Hawaii with a conscious!
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Im looking for a decent person of quality! Im a decent person; but a messed up person; Im scared because Im afraid others will not see my quality; they will judge me by my economic limitations! So; why bother! However, Im understanding that its more about trusting the universe!
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I have to work with the universe! This is where the fear is; its the universe that I do not trust; I see the universe as my mother the psychopath; and I see the universe as my father the sociopathic potential serial rapist; thats who I think is answering me every-time I reach out to the universe!

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