Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1753)
Archives
- March 2024
Starting to show First Signs of breaking away from individuals o
   Tue Mar 19, 2024 5:55 am
Seeing green when its Red...
   Tue Mar 19, 2024 3:49 am
A gift from God #2
   Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

+ February 2024
+ January 2024
+ December 2023
+ November 2023
+ October 2023
+ September 2023
+ August 2023
+ July 2023
+ June 2023
+ May 2023
+ April 2023
+ March 2023
+ February 2023
+ January 2023
+ December 2022
+ November 2022
+ October 2022
+ September 2022
+ August 2022
+ July 2022
+ June 2022
+ May 2022
+ April 2022
+ March 2022
+ February 2022
+ January 2022
+ December 2021
+ November 2021
+ October 2021
+ September 2021
+ August 2021
+ July 2021
+ June 2021
+ May 2021
+ April 2021
+ March 2021
+ February 2021
+ January 2021
+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Hope; its coming!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon May 30, 2016 12:31 am

It's coming; the ability to work through the past! Get rid of the old memories and people and places and things! And move on into my life! The life and decency I was supposed to experience in the first place; what God had intended in the first place!

The problem; Im alone! I have 12 step meetings and psych stuff and online stuff! I haven't been able to function because of full dissociative disorder! However, Ive gotten better!

Now, It's a slow movement to letting go of the past, all of it and the heart break of it! And what caused the heartbreak! They are monsters! All of them! Thats the bottom line! In fact; the general feeling I get from most of the neighborhood I lived in is; they were always monsters and creating more monsters! Upper level well educated sociopaths; or something close!

Its monstrous to concede of what I went through! Not one person bothered to ask me who I was or what I was around! No one cared who the real me is! Or any other part of me! No one cared!

I was a victim! I was still under age; so, they're going to hell!

They had the audacity to ask me if I was a thief who stole from them; they had the audacity to suggest I was just living off them when I came to live with them my senior year of high school! They n ever asked me a question! They simply wanted to get rid of me! Why did they invite me in the first place! They were never fiends of mine; non of them! I did not know! I was clueless to this!

It's so bad; all of this, its enough to make a person pass out! Its incredible! And not one person stood up for me! Or cared! Nor did they ask questions! No one was concerned; they were monsters! All of them!

===============================================================================

The point is; I have my dreams! But they require a normal decent life! And I must ask God for help to get back on my feet to continue with my life! Its horrible! I thought I would be surround by people that loved and cared about me! Instead I find no friends! They lied! And no family; all psychopaths and sociopaths; and the relatives; no different! Non of them! However, the other relative families are high brow and want nothing to do with me! Or people like me!

The relatives on the mothers side created her; they were monsters! So, on both sides, there is nothing! I was destroyed from being around them! Its that simple! And I had no place to go or run!

The point is; Im now strong enough to see the past and attempt to dissolve it and live in the present! As Ive been building a life in the present with dreams and goals and people!

I would not be surprised if Im married in the next couple of years! Ive got plans!

The goal is to keep smashing through the memories! The goal is to keep working with God to build a new future the way it was supposed to be in the first place! The goal is to become the person of value around myself and others that I know I am!

Ive been embarrassed and ashamed from my past! I was thrown away from everything and everyone and over whelmed! And I found a society that could careless! And how they treated me meant nothing! If I hung from the end up f a rope; no one would loose any sleep over it or even think about it!

So, all of this has taken some time! And its very hard work to go back into memories and rework things, to come out of these memories back into the present! And happening though!

What Im left with is myself! And nothing more!~ from anything of my past! It all must go, including anyone that harmed me in anyway!

The problem was; who to trust in the present! Ive done enough work in the present! But have no family! There is only me! There are strange 12 step groups! That is all! And some psych stuff, meetings, and therapists and stuff; and some Christian 12 step groups! But nothing personal with anyone!

I was unprepared for what happened to me! Anyone would be; its so bad, so God awful! I remember my father Playing the roll of father at 4th of July! As if everything is normal! Nothing is normal! This person is secretly planning to leave! He has no intent on caring about who is in this house hold! But he tells no one! No children had a clue! But he did! He knew from the beginning! He is simply exploiting children to play these sick games with them! Why did he do this; simple! Legal!

It was legal for these sycophants to do anything they wanted to us because legally they were taking care of us! Its that simple! The reason they played games with us, or played us; because their was no one else! It was easy targets!

I have to process this out! I have to process this atrocity somewhere?

Im in the middle off processing everything out!

Brothers; their are non! I had no relationships with these people! I did not know who or what they were! Now I know! I used to blame the psychopaths because they never developed! but now I realize; they were never going to develop regardless! They were not what I thought they were! they were monsters! at east one of them; the other is a pathological re degenerate! They are not people I would associated with! I wouldnt!

This means I spend the remainder of my life away from these creeps! all of them! its all horrible,

So, I'm migrating back to a life and a life without these people of the past! I write letters to them and say goodbye;

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 9634 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Majestic-12 [Bot], NewSunRising, PrimePossum