The old family system is used to taking advantage of me. They are calling again! Its out of control, sadistic control. ITs one of the sociopaths from this family system...
Im ready to leave this system yet. Im close. I have to trust God. They are looking for trouble and sending out the net... I want nothing to do with them.
The child in me still wants a family. I have not worked through the past; not completely, I still see the members of this family system as innocent; this is the child fantasy bond. The hurt ripped up me would like to think their is a family still alive. It died along time ago, Im battling my memories. In the mean time, family members are taking advantage of this weakness.
So, it doesn't matter about this holiday! Im not ready to leave anything! underneath, Im slowly allowing myself to grow and Im still in recovery.
I grow in the hidden areas while the rest of the world sees the emotional side. I choose to keep reason to the few!
And I do attract idiots...
Im alive and I have to keep working for my independence from codependency!
I have allot of stuff to work through, Im getting stronger. Im not strong enough to deal with the truth yet...