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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1021)
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- October 2019
Im still to young
   Fri Oct 18, 2019 4:36 pm
Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
   Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:17 pm
A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
   Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:44 pm
She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

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Hitting the edge

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Jan 16, 2015 10:30 pm

Im starting to hit the edge of my sanity! '

Im starting to see and feel things; things that occurred before I was destroyed! When I was me and able to be free or feel free enough to do things in a completed way as a human being! I remember!

Im starting to have the right to look at these things; these memories! its all very hard! seems, something is open for me! something is open for me to look deeper and further into my past!

I was never suppose to be broken in the first place! I had no idea this was going to happen to me! I used to joke about it with my friends when young! about things like this; what happened me to!

I have mass dissociation! I can be sitting at the library, and yet, remember or feel going ice skating when 8 years old; be taken back that place! and experience this!

And something new has happened!


A young women has asked to sit by me! I said yes, but I acted like we new each other, and made a comment to her! not remembering that I do not know her! she looked at me very strange! and pulled up another table! I would not be surprised if she found another table! and she did! and thats OK!

Actually Im glad she found another table! it freaked me out! she freaked me out! but its not her fault!

This is PTSD at its finest! I was engrossed in ice skating from years gone by! and when she asked if she could sit down! she had to pull me out of a PTSD situation! that freaked her out! she does not know me! and I was zoned out! so, you live and learn! she is now at the next table! across from me! not sitting by me!
I mumbled something to her as if I knew her! when she asked to sit down! it shocked her! I did not know her! she gave me a real interesting freaky look! Thats oK! I guess! but nothing I can do when Im in the middle of dissociative disorder and out of it! thats the way the ball crumbles!

Very interesting to be pulled out of dissociative disorder! its like someone waking you up from a dream! you mumble and stumble and slur your words!

OK! back to what I was writing about!

I got taken back to ice skating! and was back there before I as in interrupted ! And then I was brought back here! to reality! For that moment!

Generally Im not allowed to be awake or know Im awake when I dissociate! not like this! but thats whats changing! and this is a good thing! it means Im waking up; less afraid! or afraid but able to handle it a bit! thats whats important! Im stronger! Ill see! all of this is very hard!

Im very much interested in the Law of Attraction! Ive studied it before! and believe in it! I believe in God first! but Im going to make goals and continue with the study of Attraction!


What do you do when younger women do not find you attractive! nothing; you continue!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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