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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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help ; negative feelings toward women!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Mar 01, 2017 7:23 am

Im not liking this; but source energy is showing me this! I cant keep judging women to their face and expect them to like me! In fact, its bringing up a lot of negative energy and anxiety!

I was talking to this women today, and judging everything about her I could get my hands on! Yet, I wasn't doing any of to my knowledge at the time; I could feel it tho! later, as I prayed about it; i could see it! I was trying to work through my negative feelings toward women as I was trying to break the ice with this women and get to know her because I like her! So, isn't that messed up!

It is messed up and it didnt work! I was so nervous! I had been thinking bout her all week!~ I thought maybe God would teach me how to love again; and I would like to use her as my test drone! it didnt work! but I was able to finally start a conversation! however, I got the impression that she was not hurting like I was! I thought maybe she liked me! maybe! but she didnt I think!

She seems convenient to use as a love drone robot! meaning, a real person to love! That I could get back into emotionally loving someone! No one likes being used! I guess I just wanted to use her!

Im always afraid Im no good for anyone or to anyone! no one appreciates me! never has! not really!

Im learning to align myself with source energy and change! Im learning to turn to God at that moment when I think the other person does not like me!

Today, However, I was able, in the middle of this great anxiety; to talk to the person! but I could not answer her! I wanted to break the ice, but I was scared to show that I liked her! I was so afraid! and thats OK; I guess it will just take time for me to be around women again and relax!

I ws trying to break the ice! but I did not trust her in the sense; I was interested in someone being inline with me and God; not the other way around! Im not interested in being inline with her! Im interested in her being in line with the God I pray to and brought to me by God because she was called out for it to happen! I was looking for a soulmate! I guess I was just dream'n!

I do want to be inline with her! thats all I wanted! I like her! I guess I dont want to admit she does not feel the same way! she does not like me! I get the impression she feels nothing for me; she's just being friendly or a friendly person; meaning, my feelings mean nothing to her! I dont think she is sitting at home thinking bout me and how to align with me! I dont know!

I guess she is not the right one; However, I asked her how her day was going, and then she turned it on me and ask me how my day was going! and I could not really answer because I had never really broken the ice with her! This question was to open!

If God wants us around each other; he will have to make it happen! In the mean time; I will ask God or tell God about the other women in the world that I want to meet!

I have to keep working with God on what I want; not on whats missing! I have to keep the positive thoughts up! thats the real killer right now; negative thoughts! thats what needs to be worked on! Ill get their! She did not help! she was nervous and had anxiety!

I feel stupid! yet, Im finding its better to be out their trying then to be alone with a Goldfish!


I had allot of judgment toward her! and I think this causes great anxiety within me while being around her! its hard to feel something for some tint you have never broken the ice with!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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