Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1751)
Archives
- March 2024
A gift from God #2
   Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

+ February 2024
+ January 2024
+ December 2023
+ November 2023
+ October 2023
+ September 2023
+ August 2023
+ July 2023
+ June 2023
+ May 2023
+ April 2023
+ March 2023
+ February 2023
+ January 2023
+ December 2022
+ November 2022
+ October 2022
+ September 2022
+ August 2022
+ July 2022
+ June 2022
+ May 2022
+ April 2022
+ March 2022
+ February 2022
+ January 2022
+ December 2021
+ November 2021
+ October 2021
+ September 2021
+ August 2021
+ July 2021
+ June 2021
+ May 2021
+ April 2021
+ March 2021
+ February 2021
+ January 2021
+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Heading into a strange form of adult life

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Apr 20, 2019 11:12 pm

Im 56, and Im slowly heading into the world again of a young 20’s; think Van Life; and I dont mean retirement. I mean; beginning Van Life; about the same emotional age; but Im 56. Im OKe. I earned it. I earned the right; Im attempting to head toward this; what ever this means. its me getting ahead. I have to learn how to manifest what I want.
.
Ive got a problem; the ages from 7 to 13; specifically10- 11-12; and the horror and shock of such things and 13. At age 9; The horror of being thrown away, having no original house or parents anymore. Completely numbed.
.
I see the desolation of that period; I was bullied all the time from every direction. I was in a state of complete shock and trauma. I did not know how to function or act in these new horrible places.
.
And It is way over my head; all that happened to me and all of the loss; the hardcore horror of this; freight and becoming disabled by it.
.
The point is; I dissociate from it now; this part of the past. Im hoping it can be the past and the real me comes through into the present. Its overwhelming for me; what happened to me; and if I cant deal with it now; guess what it was like going through it; I have massive PTSD over it; CPTSD. So, its with me all the time and captures and kid-napps my head.
.
My goal is to work through this section of my time; of the past. I want my mind back; its not mine. I continue to get redirected to age 11 or 12; a time of fear terror fright unknown and ruin. I want past that moment of ruin; I want past it; for It to stop; that personality stopped. I want to go beyond it ito the present and have memories and thoughts in a new life.
.
Im lonely; without the internet; I would have nothing at all; Ive worked on dissociative disorder in strange places as a drifter; never really fitting in anywhere. So; this will be something I take to the universe for help.
.
ITs all very sad. For I am not ending up anything like I dreamed when young; most of my life is about survival. I want control of my choices and my life; now I have to work toward it.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
1 Comment Viewed 20447 times
Comments

Re: Heading into a strange form of adult life

Permanent Linkby Snaga on Sun Apr 21, 2019 3:08 am

You're certainly not alone. I suspect, for many of us, that things haven't gone nearly as planned. At least, not for me, it didn't. But yeah, we only have the Now to work with. We do what we can, with what we have. Never give up.
We do not delete posts.
Please do read the Forum Rules
User avatar
Snaga
Site Admin
 
Posts: 20684
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:58 pm
Blog: View Blog (201)

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, krk1087, Majestic-12 [Bot]