Im getting better, but Im not cured. Lots of girls want attention but they don't want me! They want attention from who ever is dumb enough to look in there direction. Im attempting to stop because its not real!
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ITs time for it to stop! Ive played along on the sidelines, being strung along because I don't have a life. Im building a life! and Im rehabbing from mental and addiction problems! Im being taken advantage of. I will stop being taken advantage of when I stop participating in someone else's party where I was never invited in the first place. I feel like a party crasher! It was never safe! I was never liked! I was played by a set of girls in a clique! Im not the only one. Now I am wishing to forget that they exist and move on through! and this is so tuff!
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I want nothing to do with the idea of association of these people. I would like to get to the point that they do not exist. It is already happening! Its slow, Im forgiving them over n over until they are gone!
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This is hard on a mans ego! and its all about my ego. Im not wanted by these young women! and that is horribly scary to deal with! I must pull back into my corner! I will allow them to think they have it going on!
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I must pull back into my corner and hide a bit and let them pass! stay away from me, stay away!
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I want them away from me! They are not real and not good for my recovery!
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And I must prey this out until I am convinced they are not good for recovery! They are no good! I must work to get the rest of me to understand this! its very hard! They are good looking!
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Positives:
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At the meeting, I spoke, a young women was staring at me a few times, I brushed it of. She had mentioned my name from the day before when she was sharing...
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At the end of the meetings, she walked over to me and called out my name! she wanted to stand by me because she didn't feel safe around anyone else; thus she did stand by me!
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This women felt safe enough without really knowing me, to stand next to me! It has taken years of work for this simple act to occur in the way that attracted someone naturally! It was interesting! This is the opposite of dissociative disorder! This is good news...
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And many other good things have been happening, slowly!
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