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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Hanging on

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Mar 13, 2016 1:47 am

ITs all very hard; all of this! I have nothing! I have to have 100% faith in God! If he does not fallow through! I do not care enough about this life to stay!

The times Ive believed is because I was 100% depending on God to believe!

Im tired of waiting on possibilities of what could happen or might happen! It's tiring! Its like being told; " just around the been, is your future, its almost here," and it never comes!

Im a decent person! Respectable!

Im not accepted anywhere! Money and shallowness rule my land! Real people, as myself, are worth nothing to the stupid! And I live in the land of stupidity! It's not all their fault! The higher up governing principle is corrupt! They are the head of this intrepid animal! The people suffer and don't know it!

Being treated badly is not my way of success! I call out to God for help! Im not sure how much more I can take! It's a very hard time!

I can depend on God but he must follow through! There are 2 many areas of my personal life that make no sense! I have no money! And this destroys almost all social life and talent life!

I assume most of my trouble is money! And or career! How I feel about myself!

I did not want to " like myself" and be poor at the same time!

Im tired of being nothing in everyones eyes! I have no value to people! I have a strange commodity value! But Im not valued! If I was dead tomorrow, no one would care! No one wanted to know me anyway! And they still don't! This is a matter of reason not emotion! I live in a land of idiots!

My value as a human being means nothing! No one cares! I have nothing! A shabby apartment; I cant even "beat off," in it without someone hearing me! It's not acceptable for human living!

I have no privacy! If I killed myself tomorrow; their would be no difference! It would go unnoticed!

The reason I stay alive is the possibility that God will follow through! What is the difference between meeting God in heaven or on earth! If I had the choice! What would I choose! If things get worse on earth, Ill find out what heaven is like!

I don't understand why people as myself must suffer so much while others prosper! Im working on it! But it pure faith in God; that is all I have! I have nothing else!

I do not understand why I have talents! What was the point?! Why does God continually allow me to know of these talents but I cannot use them!

I don't care if others don't now Im not here anymore! Thats not the point! The point is; I am Un-noticed completely as a human entity! I do not know what to do about it! I am not at an economic level of any importance to anyone!

I have no career! I have no place to use my talents! Im getting to tired of dealing with this; over n over n over! It makes no sense in telling any one I have talents!

Im expecting God to simply show up and do something about it! This is no life! None of this makes any sense!

Im slowly getting beat down trying to maintain my life! Im tired and have no joy in this! Non of this makes any sense to me! Nothing does!

Am I supposed to skip killing myself! Whats the difference! I have no life! God is not supplying a real life! Its like being fed through a coffin door! Whats the point!

Im a decent person! I would like a decent life please! I never took my life away in the first place; someone else did! I would like my life back please! Where do I go; How do I get it back! What do I do!
Im working on it! But Im not seeing the right results! Im getting attacked for being me! But, when I consider where I am! It does not surprise me! But how to I jump up to a higher level situation! I don't know!
Im asking God for help! I do not understand! How do I jump forward when I have no spring under my shoes!
I belong to no one and on one cares! " then God' " make me rich, so I do not need to interact with the morons of my time"!

There is and has never been any real family or friends! It was all fake! And the family system I came from was not a family system; it was a group of sociopaths and psychopaths and nothing more! Therefore, it is a place of demonic presence! It is a place of complete strangers and nothing more! What else am I supposed to do! And this system was technically dead or dying away by the time I was 5 or 6 years old! And I was being thrown away by this age! Abandon and forgotten!

How is a person like myself supposed to hang on! none of this makes any sense! nothing make any sense of this! its all crazy! all of it! nothing makes any sense out of this! it s all the same as it was before,

None of the people at any of the groups I go to understand me! I get bullied at these groups! I refuse to deal with these type of individual losers and their buddies who are starting such things!

Im at places that are not decent!

Ive been spit on by people as a loser! I was completely innocent! And it was whole communities! And I was innocent! They were not! They wanted to protect their economic interests and their love for money! For this is their God; not the real God of the Universe!

I have to turn to the real God of the Universe if Im going to survive!

Its hard waking up to nothing! Its enough to put someone back to sleep!

If all of this puts me back to sleep; why did I come; why was I born! I do not understand this!

My intelligence is useless as my talents are! Neither is practiced or worked! I simply spin around in a square room all day doing nothing! No skills! No development!

I cant develop skills in the streets! I have to have purpose and a place of intent of practice!

Ive gone over this with God so many times! Im given up! I just wait around for other things!

Im not sure I want to wait until Im 80 years old to finally have a place to practice a guitar in privacy! their seems something sickenly indecent about this whole thing!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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