Our partner

User avatar
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1051)
- April 2020
Next social level is revealed to me
   Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:55 pm
New Social capacity; from anti social to getting help
   Thu Apr 02, 2020 5:22 am

+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Hacking away time

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Feb 21, 2014 7:12 pm

Another blog. Im just hacking it out, it might take a year n half. And thats OK. Im looking to work through the PTSD stuff; stuff that was important to me as an innocent child. Times l spent with my father; and I have to let them go because he was a sociopath and a coward. He abandon me and never came back and never shed an eye full about ! He never looked back; no problems. Must be nice! Its satanic!

ITs all so very sad and horrible to see it again and work through it. Its necessary! I have to work through it and let go. It is of the most sad things as I was an innocent young child. This is horrible and insane and crazy! I never thought in my wildest dreams I would go through this! I did not know I was with family destroyers.

I spent my time as a child with my best friend, then he betrayed me! and his family betrayed me. The way I can look at this now; they were never really close friends of mine. Yet, secretly they never told me this! and they knew what they were doing. They had no respect for me! and I was an innocent child. Its unbelievable. I was in a den of satan and never knew this! Now I know! The more I inventory the past, the more I learn.

Whats horrible about a story like this; Im the main character. I would like to get to a point that is just a story and Im in the here n know and not connected to the past! That would be nice. However, Im still in the past. Im coming through it slowly, there is real movement! and that is a sad but great thing. ITs a horrible loneliness. Im letting go of all things I loved during my childhood. I am a decent person and its not possible to have it both ways. These were deeply corrupt people that destroyed me; a deep sickening level of depravity and evil. And I choose not to play sides. I will not assign gladness to anything these people were apart of!

ITs the surprise of reality that destroys you. The betrayal of people that have no problem causing the physical, emotional, sexual , psychological death of a child! Anyone who would think of participating in this type of satanism is no one to associate with! yet, these were all I had. I was surrounded on every edge and corner. I never knew anyone was bad ( they looked respectable on the outside, lived in nice houses), because I was not bad I could not their evil. I was a wonderful wonderful wonder filled child person! and I was destroyed because of it! No remorse or conscious! callus and ruthless.

God brought me back! and he continues to do his job. I am not sure who I am, or where I fit in. The last time I was myself; 1962 to 72, and then it was over! I am now waking up... I have woken a few times; it did not last long! I was put to sleep again! the outside world was to horrible!

I want to get through this next section of my recovery! this is the section I get closer to people; more spontaneous. This is the section I do things with less PTSD smashing through my mind. This is the section I can walk away from problems and trouble spontaneously without feeling the fear of people around me. This is the section I become less prone to freeze around anyone that comes into my 3 foot space.. And I hope to date a bit more, possibly meet girls outside the meetings.. I don't know if Im up for that yet! I will have to prey about it!


The music n art thing is not back yet. It is still controlled by the pTSD world. Im grinding away at it. I would like to be free. That means feeling safe. Im not safe from the PTSD worlds that keep landing on me or I on them. I need to land in reality! and Im heading to that.

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 11521 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], birdsong87, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Grassweeds, HeatherMeeby, Nondescript, Ratio