Im a 10 year old that is trying to wake up! Im trying to start over again!
The problem; PTSD;
I see myself at my old house! I see myself in my original development! And this is good, this is fine! Tomorrow is another day! The problem is; Im trapped in that time period! I need out!
I need to start in that time period! I need to start their, be free their, and remember their! Im going from their to here!
There was a free time when I was not being hurt; my father made sure my mother could not get a hold of anyone!
I need to go from their to now! The problem ; I see start to see the negative of that time period shove me out of my memory system! And everything goes black!
Im trying to go from then to here! And its possible! But Im dissociating! Im trying to hang on so I can be present!
The idea is development! Development of that time period so I can wake up! It I have to wake up first to develop or developing is going to make me wake up!
Either way, Im trying to wake up and start over again from that time period!
I must feel safe!
Im attempting to make the present an extension of that time period! And that is exactly what I need to do! However, something is wrong or dysfunctional or missing!
Im trying to get back home in my head! Im trying to be back self! And start again! I just have to face things from that time period! So, I can be me again!
Its hard because of my age! I was just a bit to young to go through what I went through!
I need to keep developing! In order to develop, I need to get in touch with earlier memories from back then, and go from they're! Its all about independent development and feeling safe!
Its about waking up self! waking up and going forward the way I should have back then! going into my direction! the right direction! the right me if things had been safe! what does it look like; feel like!