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Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1051)
- April 2020
Next social level is revealed to me
   Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:55 pm
New Social capacity; from anti social to getting help
   Thu Apr 02, 2020 5:22 am

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Good things coming my way

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Dec 08, 2017 11:06 pm

Ive been looking at camper-vans. This is good! I have goals; I don't know what this means! However, its a new life! And Im building and moving into a new life! Im starting to get my old way of life back for this new life! Im getting back the ritual of being present and wanting to work on goals during the day now that will help me with bigger and better goals for tomorrow. Im moving into a new life; a life with out my old family system or mother and father and yet, Im not lost! Im re building that lost part of self so I have a focused life! Its all new for me! all of this!
Ive got a mind full of past pTSD long-term; This has defined me for 2/3rds my life! However, that's changing! Its really changing! Ive studied how to life around success and goals and this new way of living is becoming a way of life! It will get better. The goal is to fuse the bigger goals with day to day goals; slowly matching each other up! ultimately fusing together! All activities working together for the ultimate goals! Its a fussing of ideas; long and short into one long activity! its about not being lost! And the more I grow and work on these goals, the sharper I become concerning my interests in life! The deeper I go!
Ive been a lost soul; now Im attempting to go after what I want; become an expert at creating goals and following them through regardless of how I know Im going to get them! At first this is tuff! As I get better at it and stick through the gaps; keep working through the gaps; I get better; stronger and more confident!
For example; working with source energy; aligning things I like; a thought came into my head; A camper van; this is a new idea for me; Id never thought about it before! God put it in my head! What do I do?; we're looking at 50$ Grand! no problem if I have the money! I don't have to worry about how it will get here! I have to align it with God and really want it!
Can I build a story of my new life around the camper van! yes! is this scary; yes?, it means Im moving more into the abstract desire area of the future and don't know what will happen. I learn to align everything with source energy and keep going! Keep working toward imagining goals! 30 or 40 pathways will be created toward my goals, created by the energy of the universe! However, I have to really really want it and feel it!
What will I be doing with this camper van! Who will be with me; My Asian-soulmate! Its up to me to create the life I want! These stories are the creation of my life! that's what Im working on; my life!
Its not easy; all this! I get hit with past PTSD massively, and all the PTSD goes negative! and I have to learn to be present and not let it get to me! be present! and Im learning how to be present! and its working; I use meditation for this! Its all in my head!
but what do I really want! I have to go high enough in my imagination of what I want that I will align with excitement! And this is a horror show for me! Im always building dreams out of small things to start with, but they don't thrill me all that much! Im to scared to build my imagination with big stuff because I haven't learned to believe I can have them! this is the next lesson! Im creating my dreams from a 6 year olds perspective and not an adults perspective! And that's the journey or gap Im working on right now! This big change! Its a gap that brings me in to 2018 and away from my past; and this is good for me; but it hurts and its scary and Ive always been a drifter with no hope; angry and desolate, I had no life; just mental illness and no relationships!
So, things are changing for me but I have allot of dreaming to do and believing!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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