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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
Archives
- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Good things coming my way

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Dec 08, 2017 11:06 pm

Ive been looking at camper-vans. This is good! I have goals; I don't know what this means! However, its a new life! And Im building and moving into a new life! Im starting to get my old way of life back for this new life! Im getting back the ritual of being present and wanting to work on goals during the day now that will help me with bigger and better goals for tomorrow. Im moving into a new life; a life with out my old family system or mother and father and yet, Im not lost! Im re building that lost part of self so I have a focused life! Its all new for me! all of this!
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Ive got a mind full of past pTSD long-term; This has defined me for 2/3rds my life! However, that's changing! Its really changing! Ive studied how to life around success and goals and this new way of living is becoming a way of life! It will get better. The goal is to fuse the bigger goals with day to day goals; slowly matching each other up! ultimately fusing together! All activities working together for the ultimate goals! Its a fussing of ideas; long and short into one long activity! its about not being lost! And the more I grow and work on these goals, the sharper I become concerning my interests in life! The deeper I go!
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Ive been a lost soul; now Im attempting to go after what I want; become an expert at creating goals and following them through regardless of how I know Im going to get them! At first this is tuff! As I get better at it and stick through the gaps; keep working through the gaps; I get better; stronger and more confident!
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For example; working with source energy; aligning things I like; a thought came into my head; A camper van; this is a new idea for me; Id never thought about it before! God put it in my head! What do I do?; we're looking at 50$ Grand! no problem if I have the money! I don't have to worry about how it will get here! I have to align it with God and really want it!
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Can I build a story of my new life around the camper van! yes! is this scary; yes?, it means Im moving more into the abstract desire area of the future and don't know what will happen. I learn to align everything with source energy and keep going! Keep working toward imagining goals! 30 or 40 pathways will be created toward my goals, created by the energy of the universe! However, I have to really really want it and feel it!
What will I be doing with this camper van! Who will be with me; My Asian-soulmate! Its up to me to create the life I want! These stories are the creation of my life! that's what Im working on; my life!
Its not easy; all this! I get hit with past PTSD massively, and all the PTSD goes negative! and I have to learn to be present and not let it get to me! be present! and Im learning how to be present! and its working; I use meditation for this! Its all in my head!
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but what do I really want! I have to go high enough in my imagination of what I want that I will align with excitement! And this is a horror show for me! Im always building dreams out of small things to start with, but they don't thrill me all that much! Im to scared to build my imagination with big stuff because I haven't learned to believe I can have them! this is the next lesson! Im creating my dreams from a 6 year olds perspective and not an adults perspective! And that's the journey or gap Im working on right now! This big change! Its a gap that brings me in to 2018 and away from my past; and this is good for me; but it hurts and its scary and Ive always been a drifter with no hope; angry and desolate, I had no life; just mental illness and no relationships!
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So, things are changing for me but I have allot of dreaming to do and believing!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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