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Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1029)
- December 2019
Vile hatred and anger.
   Thu Dec 12, 2019 4:18 pm
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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going to meetings; Yuk

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Jun 25, 2019 3:55 am

I have to go; I have a higher power and Im in the middle change; so; I have to go; because Im about to re learn how to become social again.
When at meetings; Im never alone. However, its time to make sure Im never alone outside the meetings; that means a whole change of life style and the way I approach and look at people.
I have to change my thoughts. thats what counts... Im learning it now; for example; and Ive used this example before; Art. What do I want to do right now; what would make me happy right now; this moment; I know “ Art” would make me happy right now. Anything else that would make me happy; sex with a hot women. An Asian soulmate; A girlfriend. What else; the money or experience to go places with a car and vacation for a few days when I want to; that would be nice. I would be so cool to go up to the local ski place in the summer and mountain bike; the lifts are open. Now; can I take some of these goals; and imagine them right now; No negatives; just “ Now” goals. yes?
The goal is to have these things in the center of my mind and visualize as if they are happening now in first person point of view. The “ Art” concept is real to me; I mean; in my visualizations; I can see it clearly; Ive got a canvas in my head and Im drawing on it right now. what about Asian soulmate; well; she’s getting a bit stronger; but she’s not like the “ Art” visual; not yet; so Im working on it; what about vacations; that is a bit far off; its better then before; it brings up pain because of money; and transportation; and I get sick of dealing with these subjects because of money. Money consciousness is important; but; I haven’t visualized enough with these subjects to bring them into alignment with the source energy of the universe; and its frustrating to keep putting out more n more work and not getting anywhere. So, much work to be done here. IT would be nice to just take off...

So; I want to give up so badly; but I dont. I will keep at it; keep creating visuals in my mind until they appear real to me; and until the negative pain is gone from them. ITs that deeper negative pain associated with these concepts that drive me crazy; Im a victim and by not getting these things when I ask; its just one more example of my Im hated by the universe; and Im a victim again’ thats how it feels. In reality; I have to get to a point that I create manifestations as if they are already here and Im not needing them or worried about how they will get here.
Im in the middle of thinking change; Im in the middle of wanting a better life by changing my thinking about it first.
I have to create scenarios where I meet allot of women; interacting with women; and I have good thoughts about myself around women and my self worth; thats what I have to work on. And that is a bucket full... it really is.... But Im lazy in this area; and I want it to change; how bad do I want it; Im lazy; its like Im lying in bed doing nothing and someone comes along and tells me to get out of the bed; and Im sleepy and want to move.

Dealing with people and feeling good about myself is what Im working on; its about my thinking up close to people; I spent a lot of years in fear and assumed to be mistreated; for a very long time around people; my mind dissociates around people; so I assume the worst when around people; I hope this changes.

I dont have a social life yet...
Thats why Im still in meetings; and its up to me to change that; its up to me; and Im getting closer and closer; and a whole world is going to open up for me....

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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