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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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going to meetings; Yuk

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Jun 25, 2019 3:55 am

I have to go; I have a higher power and Im in the middle change; so; I have to go; because Im about to re learn how to become social again.
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When at meetings; Im never alone. However, its time to make sure Im never alone outside the meetings; that means a whole change of life style and the way I approach and look at people.
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I have to change my thoughts. thats what counts... Im learning it now; for example; and Ive used this example before; Art. What do I want to do right now; what would make me happy right now; this moment; I know “ Art” would make me happy right now. Anything else that would make me happy; sex with a hot women. An Asian soulmate; A girlfriend. What else; the money or experience to go places with a car and vacation for a few days when I want to; that would be nice. I would be so cool to go up to the local ski place in the summer and mountain bike; the lifts are open. Now; can I take some of these goals; and imagine them right now; No negatives; just “ Now” goals. yes?
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The goal is to have these things in the center of my mind and visualize as if they are happening now in first person point of view. The “ Art” concept is real to me; I mean; in my visualizations; I can see it clearly; Ive got a canvas in my head and Im drawing on it right now. what about Asian soulmate; well; she’s getting a bit stronger; but she’s not like the “ Art” visual; not yet; so Im working on it; what about vacations; that is a bit far off; its better then before; it brings up pain because of money; and transportation; and I get sick of dealing with these subjects because of money. Money consciousness is important; but; I haven’t visualized enough with these subjects to bring them into alignment with the source energy of the universe; and its frustrating to keep putting out more n more work and not getting anywhere. So, much work to be done here. IT would be nice to just take off...

So; I want to give up so badly; but I dont. I will keep at it; keep creating visuals in my mind until they appear real to me; and until the negative pain is gone from them. ITs that deeper negative pain associated with these concepts that drive me crazy; Im a victim and by not getting these things when I ask; its just one more example of my Im hated by the universe; and Im a victim again’ thats how it feels. In reality; I have to get to a point that I create manifestations as if they are already here and Im not needing them or worried about how they will get here.
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Im in the middle of thinking change; Im in the middle of wanting a better life by changing my thinking about it first.
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I have to create scenarios where I meet allot of women; interacting with women; and I have good thoughts about myself around women and my self worth; thats what I have to work on. And that is a bucket full... it really is.... But Im lazy in this area; and I want it to change; how bad do I want it; Im lazy; its like Im lying in bed doing nothing and someone comes along and tells me to get out of the bed; and Im sleepy and want to move.
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Dealing with people and feeling good about myself is what Im working on; its about my thinking up close to people; I spent a lot of years in fear and assumed to be mistreated; for a very long time around people; my mind dissociates around people; so I assume the worst when around people; I hope this changes.

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I dont have a social life yet...
Thats why Im still in meetings; and its up to me to change that; its up to me; and Im getting closer and closer; and a whole world is going to open up for me....

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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