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OMNICELL
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Going to God instead of women; I've got problems

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Sep 02, 2017 5:14 am

Ive got problems; and I've got problems with women; massive problems!
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The main problems with women stem from my mother! Im always trying to solve what happened between my mother when I was younger! unfortunately, I find women just like her and Im treated with contempt the way she treated me! I am smart enough and have been in the recovery process long enough to understand that Ive never really met any women yet! nothing! no one I would let into my apartment! meaning, the people Ive associated with are not safe! theirs no future with them!
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The point; a group of people above the norm would be nice; I need to be appreciated by who I associate with; this is not possible by the type of people Im associating with! unfortunately the women are appealing to me! the out side; the inside is horrid! Their insides for me; 2 faced and treacherous!
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Im obviously not around the right women! and it plain to see; So, the problem is; I must be around better quality people! How can this be done! This is the next expansion for me! This is not easy; I wait for the universe to attract people to me; the problem has been; what have I been asking the universe to do! who have I been asking the universe to bring me! Im getting just what Im asking for; thats the problem! Im not around people that appreciate anything about me! However, most of the women have been useful!
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Im trying to come out of dissociate disorder and this requires interaction; not relationships! Allot of the women Im around wont " put out"; this does not mean I necessarily want them to; meaning, my only interest in them putting out; but they seem to think so! so, I put up with allot of ridiculous arrogant nonsense dealing with them! Ive given up on all of them ever allowing them to ever get close to me!~ I will allow them to think they are getting close; I do this for the social interaction that helps with the dissociative disorder! its a kind of practice intimacy; minor friendly intimacy!
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Im around a group of women that are saving themselves for their next husband! altho the other 3 husbands before them, things didn't work out! many times these women see me as a weakling! And they actually believe it; and I will allow them to; Im allow to interact and practice with them socially! As long as God continues to want me to be around these people and practice; I will! The bottom line with women; if I don't hit on them to start with; its because of their personalities; not because Im shy or weak! I wont allow someone with no conscious into my bed; even to sleep with and nothing more; no sex; just sleeping! I wont allow it! I wont allow them over for tea! I just wont!
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Time to move up the ladder!
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Im slowly wanting to move up around better people! people that appreciate who I am!
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Working with God; not women; taking things to God; not women! at the lowest levels; Im taking things to women, not God!
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I have to get intimate with God! Tell God whats really going on, turn to God, not a pretty face! and I mean this; its not a women with a pretty face that needs to hear this; its God! I have to get an intimate relationship with God in all areas; all of them! all of them! completely! God brings the women I want! Im running to women to have them be my mother and save me and take care of me the way God is suppose to; and I believe this is a direction problem do to my destroyed damaged experience as a boy! to bad; horrible and beyond belief!
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I have to let go of women and have God take their place! I have to turn to God and have God bring me the right women; let go of the outcome! Go strait to God and stay away from all women! all of them; because I had no business being around any of them in the first place; non of them! I wanted women to take care of me; they are not able to do so; they are not God! God can do this! Its OK to have God be my mother and father and tell God everything and expect God to take care of me! absolutely what God is suppose to do!
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I cant keep slumming for ever! Im around people that are helping me because Im interacting with them; nothing more! Im not suggesting theirs something wrong with them; theirs nothing wrong with them; they will find the right people and I will find the right people; but Im not it! One problem remains; theirs nothing left for me to do with them but sleep with them; meaning, I don't want any long term relationships with them! Then they pull the: Im not sleeping with anyone for a year, Im in the recovery process! i stay away from these people! I don't get near them; generally, However, for social practice, Ill get near them!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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