|Psychology and Mental Health Forum|
|Author:||OMNICELL [ Sun Feb 24, 2013 10:35 am ]|
To the end it is God...
I have been de throned... My throne is gone, it has been thrown out.. Much like Napoleon in his last days.. I was hated, or have been hated and thrown out.. Now I am slowly back with God and starting over again... I did not go to a new place ( a new city). I am in the same place. I will learn!
Now, I must purge myself of all past people. The past meaning; last several years in this close specific facility.. Not an easy feat...
I must reinvent myself and start over. I must get to a point that I remember no one, and I am new and I have forgotten there names as if I never knew them.... For my time is over concerning them. I have accomplished the job that God has sent me to accomplish. I do not know what that job was. The holy spirit knows. And, it can be so painful.. I must watch and learn! I am naive. This naive gets me into trouble, especially with girls ( adult girls). Some girls. The rest is fantasy... I never really get close to anyone. Well, Im getting closer... Yet, they turn on me and tear me into pieces. They are like spiders that want to bit.
I have not been enough. Not man enough! this caught me by surprise and confused me. I am a human being... I have not been man enough. Im learning.. Im heart sick over this; not being enough... I surrender, I give up! I will turn to God... I am never enough in this place...
I need a bigger picture... The bigger picture.
The past is gone.. I have to purge myself of the past... It is very hard. My heart is locked in the past, it is not ready to let go of what it loved and lost. Im praying for help!
I have been through such horror, this life has been a nightmare.. I never knew, I never knew it was going to be like this. I was not prepared for it... I never knew others wanted me dead like they have. Hated.....
Jesus was hated. He knew.... Now, I know.. Poor place...
I was thinking about the girl in the middle east that was beheaded because she refused to marry someone older then herself. She refused to be forced, she gave her life for it...
Have I been willing to give my life for it!... I take all things to God... ITs so hard to be humiliated and have to start over again at the beginning. And for awhile I liked myself. Now Im back to having no self worth or esteem..
Do not give what is holly to dogs, least they trample you under there feet, turn and tear you into pieces.
I must get to a place that I no longer like this world or want anything in it..
|All times are UTC|
Powered by phpBB © 2002, 2006 phpBB Group