| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/giving_up_on_art%CA%94_b-9783_sid-51e90d1addcba76bfd4657c355ad239b.html |
|
| Author: | OMNICELL [ Sat Mar 26, 2016 6:52 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Giving up on art? |
Nothing has been more mysterious and confusing then my interest in art! Im giving it up! But I do not know what to replace it with! I will have to ask God! It's not a question I like to bring up to God! I assume because of my background; it was a mistaken area of interest! You know those guys; the ones that tell you they are the most talented person you've ever met! Im the most talented person you've ever met! Why would lie; Ive never met you! I don't have to lie to you! What good is any of this! I do not have a practice room! And day after day after day; nothing! No creating! Creating was my number one area of interest! But no practice room! Without a practice room; one is dead in the water! You cannot create any series art; the reason being; you have no protective walls! You never feel safe from the outside world! You feel like you're being raped every time you express yourself! Soon; you cannot express yourself anymore! You shut down and never open up again! It's getting to the point; I cannot do any art work of any nature anymore! I have no safe place to do so! I seriously don't get it! I don't understand! If God made this my main calling, temperament or interest; then wheres the practice room! He will have to supply it; and he is not! And I am not! So where is it! If God does not supply a practice room; if its one more door shutting in my face! Whats the point! I assume this is a sign from God and the Universe that this is not an area I should be involved in! I have asked God about this; over n over n over n over n over! And nothing; no response! Art is something you do on a daily basis! I cannot do it at all! My nervous system wont do it! What am I supposed to do? I can take it to God! Its all very confusing! What am I supposed to do with my life! I am an artist! Maybe not! I see people with no talents with plenty of private space they have bought! I do not have the funds to buy something; yet, Im the one that needs the private space ! How am I supposed to be happy! It's a joke to tell people; I could have been an actor, a composer, creative writer! Artist! Singer song writer! Whats the point! What else is supposed to take its place! Ive lost almost all interest in anything creative! So, I do not have much joy or anything to look forward to! I have no excitement! Creativity gave me excitement! The only professions I could stand on a daily basis would be creating something; or having enough money to have a place to practice; something I could get used to so that I could feel safe and secure! Im a real artist! Im not the type to take a 9-5 job and do art on the weekends! Doesn't work that way! My temperament is artistic! Im not sure where I would fit in! I don't fit into anything! I will have to take this to God; I honestly don't get it! What kind of a life is this! IVe lost interest in what Im not supposed to loose interest in! It's my temperament; yet I cant do it! It's such a painful never ending horror show of regret and confusion! I wish I could take an interest test and something else as temperament! What good is it! What is a person supposed to do with their lives! What do I concentrate on; porn! So, Im supposed to give up what I like to do! But I cant do what I like to do; so , what am I supposed to do! The frustration mounts! The whole thing creates nothing but rage and hatred! I was not supposed to be someone this shut off of self! I don't get it! I don't plan to kill myself over it; not like before! Just a waisted life! Nothing makes any sense! Im a non conformist! I refuse! But then what am I supposed to do? IVe got my back against the wall! I don't fit in anywhere! What makes me excited! Being myself;; I can hardly think in terms of being creative anymore! Theirs no place for it! Its been a very long time since I could sit down and practice singing or create a song! Or sing to a song! Ive never had any privacy singing anything in the last 10 years! I finally gave up! I simply believe its a sign from God that I am not supposed to go in this direction! So; what direction and I supposed to go in! What replaces it! I simply don't understand! Ive seen numerous people with no talent and plenty of private practice space! I guess God will allow them to express their feelings; but wont allow me to be creative?! I don't get it! I guess I have to take this to God! Its getting to the point that its a joke! |
|
| All times are UTC | |
Powered by phpBB © 2002, 2006 phpBB Group www.phpbb.com |
|